


A Reminder

by almostalwaysahermit



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Turned Into Vampire, F/F, Family, Minor Danny Lawrence, Minor LaFontaine, Minor Lola Perry, Minor Will Eisen, Minor Wilson Kirsch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4804322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostalwaysahermit/pseuds/almostalwaysahermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura and Carmilla struggle with the responsibility of raising a child under dire circumstances. Laura struggles with her mortality while Carmilla struggles to feel that the child is hers despite her hatred for its origin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura didn't know how it happened. She just opened the door and Will was there.

One end of her grocery list hung above her head, trapped under her lamp but only just barely. She stared at it as if it was the most interesting thing in the room, running her eyes down what little she could make out on the piece of paper—

_Chocolate-chip cookies_

_Grape soda_

_Tampons_

That was the end of the list. The upper portion was still hidden under her lamp. How she wished there was more to read, anything to distract her from the creaking of the bed, from the strong grip of the hand that held her by the hair, from the unfamiliar appendage that forced its way inside her and left her but only in preparation for another quick thrust. She wished there was something in the room other than the helplessness she felt. She had tried screaming for help and even pushing the threat away but her arms were held down just the same with strength she couldn’t even dream to match. She had tried pleading but was only met with a quick dismissal and a bite to the neck.

That wasn’t too long ago but she had lost sense of time. Lying on her back, numb from the shock and the actual physical pain of being taken against her will in her own dorm room, she asked herself again: _How did this happen?_ She remembered opening the door and seeing a familiar face. She greeted him and he asked if he could come in to which she said yes with a smile. _I even offered him something to drink. How did this happen?_ He declined the soda and instead suggestively remarked that she would taste better. She laughed at this but was immediately cut off as he grabbed hold of her with lightning speed and pinned her against her bed. She pushed and screamed and pleaded. And now he’d just finished.

Had she been fully conscious of what happened, she would’ve known it didn’t take long. Then again, she hadn’t fully understood how he managed to move that quickly and why he was that strong. That is, until she remembered the bite on her neck and how he was now looking at her with his fangs out, blood dripping down the side of his mouth.

_Will is a vampire?_

As soon as the thought came to her, he was gone. She tried to breathe, now regaining the feeling in her body – her neck, especially, and below her abdomen. She sat up with a jolt, holding both hands against her mouth when it hit her. “He…” she mumbled to herself, unable to say it out loud. She willed herself out of bed even though her bare legs were still shaky and she was dizzy from the blood loss. She felt her neck and realized that blood was still coming out of the fresh wound so she pressed her palm against it and pulled a pair of pajamas from her closet. She struggled into them, still feeling filthy from what had happened. She limped toward her desk and fumbled around for her phone. With trembling fingers, she unlocked it and hit 1 on the speed dial. It took no more than two rings for someone to pick up.

“Hey, I’m at the store already. Where—”

“Carm, I need you back here. _Please._ Something happened and I… I can’t explain this over the phone. Just please come back to the dorm room,” she said in one breath, hands still trembling from what had happened. “Carm? Are you there?”

She quickly checked her phone only to find that the line had gone dead. She was about to redial when the door flew open, revealing a raven-haired girl in her trademark tight jeans and loose flannel shirt who looked as though she had appeared from thin air – a sight all too familiar to her that signalled her that it was now okay to break down and cry.

“What happened?” the girl asked, rushing to her side as soon as she fell to the floor in tears. “Laura… who did this?”

Laura took in a breath as she held on to the girl’s shirt, dousing it in her tears and traces of blood from her neck wound. She spoke through ragged breaths: “It was Will. He just came over and—and I let him in. It happened so fast. I don’t understand how… Carm, he’s a—”

“A vampire,” the girl said, making it known to Laura that she already knew. She paused for a moment, seemingly deep in thought until her senses grew sensitive to Laura’s scent. “You’re bleeding.” No sooner than the words were out of her mouth did she pick Laura up from the floor and assisted her to a chair. She licked the wound clean and Laura didn’t even flinch. She had licked blood off of Laura’s body before but under different circumstances and definitely not with Will’s involvement. She rarely got to taste Laura’s blood but this wasn’t the time to relish it. She bit into her finger, drawing blood, and pressed it onto Laura’s neck wound. Some of Laura’s blood had dried around the wound, which had now closed up and healed after coming into contact with the girl’s blood. “I’m going after him. Stay here,” the girl said, her voice hard and cold.

“Carmilla, Carm… He…” Laura started to say as she wrapped her arms around herself, disgusted at the thought of having been touched against her will and the fact that she had been so helpless.

Carmilla met her eyes and again it looked like she already knew what was left unsaid. “I’m going. Lock the door,” she said. She bit back her anger. It wasn’t Laura who deserved it. Without waiting for a reply, she rushed out of the room, unknowingly leaving Laura with a painful reminder that her vampire reflexes were the same as Will’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any questions, here's my tumblr: almostalwaysahermit.tumblr.com
> 
> It's been a while since I last wrote fanfiction. This was supposed to be a one-shot but it would've been too long so I decided to split it into chapters. It's gonna be a bit angsty. Also, please let me know if I was mistaken in tagging this as Mature. I only did that because of rape mentions and a bit of smut in the following chapters. Thank you :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

Laura woke up to a lungful of Carmilla’s scent, which she describes to herself as a light mix of powder and vanilla, which amusingly doesn’t match Carmilla’s rough-around-the-edges vibe. She nuzzled up to Carmilla’s neck and pressed herself closer to the sleeping vampire. It was then that she realized that they were on Carmilla’s bed for a change. A smile played on her lips but it was washed away when she was reminded of why they were on this side of the room in the first place. She craned her neck to look behind her and saw her bed. She vaguely remembered seeing Carmilla change the sheets last night. _Last night… Last night, Will was here._ She sat up and shook Carmilla by the shoulder. “Carm, wake up.”

Carmilla stirred and let out a yawn as she opened one eye to peek at Laura. “What is it cupcake?” she said in a mumble.

“What happened last night? What happened to Will?” Laura asked, her voice laced with panic.

Carmilla responded with a groan, wrinkling her nose in disgust at the mention of Will’s name. “Forget about that bastard. Just rest up. You need it.” She stretched her arm out to invite Laura to lie against her side again.

“I know but I need to know what happened. Why would he just come here and—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Carmilla abruptly interjected. She sat up and cupped Laura’s cheek while she tried to calm her temper. _It’s not Laura’s fault. It’s not her fault._ “Can we please just not talk about him?”

“But Carm, he… he _touched_ me,” Laura said, the latter half dwindling into a whisper as if it was a lie she wasn’t supposed to tell. But it wasn’t. “He did things—”

“He fed from you! He’s a vampire! There was blood everywhere! You know we exist, Laura. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be mad that he bit you but that’s that. I took care of him already.”

Laura frowned at Carmilla’s actions. Here she was, trying to explain that she had been taken advantage of and Carmilla was being unreasonably snappy. She let out a sigh and made her way to the bathroom. She felt Carmilla’s eyes on her but she didn’t turn around to check. She needed this shower if only to feel a little cleaner than she actually was.

The scrubbing didn’t work. No matter how much she wanted every remnant of last night to wash off of her, she could still feel everything stuck to her skin and even underneath, _crawling_. She tried to push the thoughts away – Will’s uneven breaths, his tight grip on her hair and the pain he caused. She unconsciously placed her hand on her abdomen as if something had called from inside her. It was Carmilla who broke her trance by greeting her at the bathroom door with a cup of hot cocoa. She smiled and accepted the offer as they both headed back to Carmilla’s bed.

“Carm, can I ask a question without you blowing up in my face? It’s kinda important. I’m serious,” Laura said without a hint of antagonism in her voice. She knew Carmilla was just being protective but she needed to talk about Will. She needed to understand what she was dealing with.

Carmilla replied with a nod. She was clearly still against having the talk but this was Laura and she rarely denied Laura anything. She braced herself for the question. She had a feeling she already knew what it would be.

“Can vampires still… you know, have kids?”

Carmilla stilled. The question wasn’t as direct as she expected. She could probably still turn this around. “You mean, can we get pregnant? Yeah—”

“So male vampires can still impregnate…”

And there it was. Carmilla squeezed her eyes shut, biting down on her lower teeth. _Good thing you’re dead, you fucking bastard._ She felt Laura squeeze her arm, still waiting for her answer. She looked up and nodded, no longer knowing what else to do at this point. Right then, Laura’s grip loosened, panic now visible on her face.

Laura ran both hands through her hair then pulled on it in irritation. She felt a sharp pain up her nose and straight to the middle of her head, signalling the formation of tears. She let them fall. She didn’t know how to feel. She didn’t know what to do. What happened between her and Will had been fast because of his vampire reflexes and his then-apparent hunger and she was unsure whether he did finish insider her. But just the thought of it, of the possibility that she might bear his offspring… She couldn’t even fathom it. She couldn’t even figure out why he needed to ravish her in the first place. He could’ve just drank her blood and left. _Why? Why couldn’t it have been just that?_

“Hey…” went Carmilla’s soothing voice as she pulled Laura into an embrace. She was just as lost but she couldn’t show Laura that. “We don’t know for sure, right? Maybe Willy Boy’s swimmers are duds,” she said in an attempt to make Laura laugh, but she only merited a scowl from the shorter girl. She smiled in response anyway. She needed to make Laura feel safe at the moment even though she was the one who was even more worried about the consequences of Will’s actions. _If it turns out there’s a kid… can I ask her not to have it?_

Laura let herself break down in Carmilla’s arms. She kept crying. She cried for herself and for Carmilla and for the unborn child that she wasn’t even sure was taking form inside her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say that I already posted this in fanfiction.net prior to getting my invitation to join AO3. I'll keep posting here and over there since some people may prefer one site over the other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 9th month.

The pain shot through her one day during winter break while she was preparing breakfast. It crippled her so badly that she passed out in her father’s kitchen. When she came to, she was in Carmilla’s arms and in her childhood bedroom. Carmilla pressed a kiss to her forehead and started rubbing her back to comfort her, but the pain was still there as if it was squeezing the life out of her. She knew she was due any day now. Another wave of pain washed over her and she gripped Carmilla’s arm for support. She wondered if this pain was worth it. She wondered if Carmilla was right when she said she shouldn’t go through with the pregnancy. Maybe then she wouldn’t be suffering like this. Maybe then her father wouldn’t look at her as if she had made the stupidest mistake of her life. Maybe then she’d be free. Maybe then she and Carmilla would be as happy as they were before.

“Do you want anything? Should I get your dad?” Carmilla asked with genuine worry. Up until now, she had considered Laura’s decision to be reckless and impractical, but like she said, she rarely denied Laura anything. If Laura wanted this _abomination_ in her life then she would allow it. Laura still hadn’t answered her question and she was about to ask again when Laura posed a question of her own.

“About what you said. About not going through with this. Is it…” Laura paused to clear her throat, diverting her eyes from Carmilla’s and toward her fully round abdomen. “Can we still get rid of what’s inside me?” she finally asked.

Silence hung above them and for every second that passed she regretted asking such a question. She had defended the entity inside her the moment the doctor said she was indeed carrying it. She turned to Carmilla then, feeling both scared and somewhat happy. There was life inside her and the last thing on her mind was getting rid of it. It just isn’t in her nature to snuff out a life even though the circumstances  surrounding it were unfortunate. Yes, this child would be the fruit of her helplessness and maybe some evil plot that eluded her until now. This child would have Will’s blood – some stranger’s blood. This child would grow up, like its mother, not knowing why it had been fated to come to this world. But this child would be hers. Her blood runs in its veins just as much as a stranger’s does. Did she really have it in her to just ignore it and throw it away?

“Cupcake… I don’t know what you want me to say,” Carmilla finally said, breaking the silence. These past few months had been hard on her, not just physically but emotionally. She kept thinking back to that night when she and Laura were supposed to go grocery shopping. She didn’t want to go, but Laura insisted and even suggested that she go on ahead because her class ended earlier than Laura’s. Laura was just supposed to drop off her stuff at the dorm room, get the list and meet her at the store. The moment she heard Laura panicking on the phone, she felt sick. Something had obviously gone wrong but she had a feeling it wasn’t just _something_. She knew it was evil. She felt it. She rushed out of the store, putting her speed to good use, and she didn’t care who noticed. She had to get to Laura.

The moment she got to the dorm room, she would’ve given anything to not be right. But there Laura was, dishevelled and _bloody_. Every worse possible scenario flashed before her eyes and her mouth couldn’t keep up with her thoughts. She managed to ask who did this to Laura but other than that, she was speechless. It was her nose that kept her up to speed. She saw the blood on Laura’s neck the moment she arrived but she smelled it elsewhere. She shifted her eyes quickly to Laura’s pajamas and saw that they were fresh, but she could still smell blood underneath. It was also coming from Laura’s bed and from portions of the floor by the door. It didn’t take much for her to finally piece it together when she forced herself to think and right then she wanted nothing but to tear apart whoever had violated Laura. _Her_ Laura. It was one thing to feed from her but to go as far as—she couldn’t say it. She couldn’t even say it in her thoughts.

She didn’t want to leave Laura alone in their dorm room but she had to make her own pain go away. She had to _kill_. She had to feel bones breaking in her solid grip. She had to hear the hard thud of a head smashing into concrete over and over and over for as long as she deemed it necessary and until it finally detached from the broken body. She had to mangle what was left of the flesh and rip it off of the bones. Most of all, she had to breathe in the scent of everything burning by her feet.

All of that she did with a smile on her face.

She walked back to the dorm room, discarded the bloody clothes and changed Laura’s sheets – a desperate attempt to get rid of every trace of what happened that night. Then she held Laura until they both drifted to sleep.

On the day of Laura’s appointment with the doctor, she couldn’t keep still. Part of her wanted to scream and throw everything across the room. Another part wanted to hold Laura to comfort her and to tell her everything was going to be okay and that she’d stand by her no matter what happens. The biggest part wanted to kill Will, but she had already done that.

When the doctor came in with the results and started explaining things to them, she heard nothing but muffled voices. She hoped she had been hallucinating. She hoped she had been wrong when her ears picked up on another heartbeat inside their dorm room a few nights after the incident. She dared not press an ear to Laura’s abdomen but her senses were unfortunately sharp so it wasn’t like she actually needed to check again. She didn’t tell Laura because she was scared that that would make it real. She didn’t want it to be real, to be _alive_. If she could, she would’ve torn its throat out like she did to its father—

She left Laura with the doctor after she asked for a moment alone. She hid herself by the parked ambulances at the back of the building and fell to her knees in frustration. _Father_. The word went back and forth in her mind and it killed her every time. Whatever was inside Laura was hers alone now that the _father_ was gone. What exactly did that mean? Would Carmilla have to step in? Carmilla had never even entertained the thought of having a child, much less having a child with Laura. She had lived for centuries, yes, but there was never any room for family. The one she was dealt with was dysfunctional enough. And to try starting a new one of her own? With Laura? Even if it turned out that she did want a family with Laura, would she even want it now that Laura was carrying someone else’s child? Would she even be able to look at the child and not want to bash its face in?

No answers came to her so she decided to go back inside and be with Laura. That was what was important at the time. Still, she put in her two cents: “I think you should get rid of it.”

That was months ago. She meant what she said at the time up until now when Laura was having second thoughts about not listening to her back then. But time was once again against them. As much as she hated to admit it, keeping the child now would be best. Because Laura was due any day now, attempting to remove the child from her womb could prove complicated as if things weren’t already complicated enough. She rubbed Laura’s back and gave a slight smile. “You’ve come this far. Are you sure you want all of your sacrifices to go to waste?”

Laura met Carmilla’s eyes and shook her head. “I’m so lost. I’m not even sure how I’m going to do this. I haven’t graduated and I don’t have a job. I can’t keep relying on my dad. You know how he feels about the situation, right? But still, I can’t help but feel that I would regret it if I don’t push through with this. Especially now that we know that there’s actually two of them in here.”

Carmilla let out a sigh and then pressed a kiss to the side of Laura’s head. _Right. They just had to be goddamn twins._ “Maybe… Maybe we should drop out of school,” she said, unsure of where the suggestion would lead but she had been thinking of it for a while now after LaFontaine blurted it out over drinks. Of course, Laura wasn’t there and good thing, too, because Carmilla had been out of sorts that night, already breaking down in frustration over how to help Laura. There was only so much she could do to help ease Laura’s food cravings and the hot flashes and to get her to her classes on time without suffering a cramp. She had to think in terms of the long haul. “Uh, why are you looking at me like that, creampuff? You look like you’re about to sneeze.” Laura was indeed frowning at her while grinning at the same time as if she had said something ridiculous.

“Carm, are you _serious_?” Laura started, her grin growing twice in size now as she let out a few giggles. “Are you saying what you think you’re saying?”

“What? I just said—”

“You wanna raise these kids with me, _don’t you_?” Laura drawled while playfully nudging Carmilla’s side.

“No! I mean, I just figured you can’t go back to school right after you have them and you’ll need some help and—Oh god, you’re not listening to me, are you?!”

Laura shook her head with a grin still plastered to her face. Whatever pain she was in earlier had now slipped her mind and all she wanted to do was stare into Carmilla’s eyes until she heard Carmilla admit what she meant by “let’s drop out of school.”

“O-kay, come on cupcake,” Carmilla started as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed to get up, slipping out from Laura’s hold. She held out a hand.

“Where are we going?” Laura asked. She took Carmilla’s hand and slowly stood up, supporting her abdomen with her free hand. They got as far as the living room entrance when Carmilla finally turned to her and said with a slight smirk, “To tell your dad I’m going to raise these kids with you.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long day at the hospital.

The hospital room was deathly white, which struck Carmilla as ironic. Here they were, witnessing the miracle of life and all she felt around her was the lingering presence of death. Then again, it wasn’t too far off. Death _was_ here.

She diverted her gaze toward Laura cradling the baby in her arms on the hospital bed. The doctors had advised earlier that day that Laura should get some rest after undergoing the delicate procedure but Laura insisted that she could handle things just fine as long as she got to hold her daughter. The doctors tried to argue but Carmilla stepped in and convinced them to leave. She might have done a bit of glamouring but Laura didn’t need to know that. She had other pressing things to worry about.

“What did they say about Noah?”

Laura’s voice seemed to echo across the room. It made Carmilla feel like they were far apart in a cavernous pit but, really, they were only meters apart. She didn’t expect Laura to want to talk about this so soon, but she had to answer. “They said Noah tried his best. It was complicated from the beginning. Something about malformation and inadequate organs. I didn’t really understand most of the terms. Cupcake, you should get some rest—”

“I saw him, you know?” Laura spoke without meeting Carmilla’s eyes. She was fixated on the rise and fall of her daughter’s chest as she slept in her arms. “He was so handsome but he barely moved. He didn’t make a sound. He was still alive, wasn’t he? If only for a few minutes…”

Carmilla left her seat and stood by Laura. She placed a hand on top of Laura’s, which was supporting the baby’s side. “He’s lucky he still got see his gorgeous mom.” She was trying to cheer Laura up and she meant every word. “If I were to die, I’d want you to be the last thing I see. That wouldn’t be such a bad way to go.”

Laura let out a chuckle as she leaned her head on Carmilla’s arm. “You’re just saying that, you big meanie.”

“No, I’m not. I mean it. And I also meant it when I said you should get some rest. The little buggers took a toll on you and you need to recharge. She’ll still be here when you wake up. I’ll make sure of it.”

Laura brought her daughter closer to her face and rubbed their noses together, meriting a little whimper from the newborn. “Mommy will see you later, Emma. Be a good girl for Carm.” The newborn responded with a yawn and didn’t bother to open her eyes. Laura carefully handed her over to Carmilla who already had the bassinet ready.

“She’ll be fine,” Carmilla assured after wheeling the bassinet a few meters away from them. She cupped Laura’s cheek and brought her face closer until their foreheads touched. “Get some sleep.” She let their lips touch and it felt like it was the first time in a long while that she’d had Laura to herself. She missed this. She missed Laura.

Laura broke the kiss with a smile and whispered thank you against Carmilla’s lips before she reclined on the bed and closed her eyes. It had been a long day and a long nine months. She figured she indeed deserved a bit of rest.

Once Laura seemed to have drifted to sleep, Carmilla turned to the bassinet. She stood over the baby and felt the space around her implode. She couldn’t count how many times she’d told Laura that everything would be okay while she, herself, broke down on the inside. Every moment she wasn’t with Laura during the pregnancy, which was scarce, she thought of running away. She had all the chances to do it and she almost did it today. When one of the doctors told her that one of the twins couldn’t make it, she knew Laura would be devastated. She was so tired already, physically and emotionally. She had put up with the struggles of Laura’s pregnancy while keeping her emotions in check, namely her anger and frustration over the entire situation. She had gotten rid of Will but that didn’t give her enough comfort. There were still the consequences of her decision to take responsibility for raising Laura’s child and also dealing with Laura’s father, who still couldn’t get over the fact that his daughter had gotten pregnant at nineteen. He agreed to provide some support but wanted as little to do as possible with his grandchildren, or rather, _grandchild_.

“Shit. What the hell am I supposed to do?” Carmilla muttered under her breath. The baby didn’t stir and neither did Laura. “At least it’s just you now.” She knew it was insensitive of her to be grateful that the other twin didn’t make it, but who could blame her at this point, really?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their arrival at the Dean's apartment.

As much as Carmilla loved seeing Laura happy in her childhood home, surrounded by peaceful nature, she could not stand the judgment that she felt from Laura’s father. He barely said anything about their relationship and she was thankful for that but the way he looked at Laura and her daughter like something had gone terribly wrong and that Laura was to blame really set her off.

Of course he had asked who the father was and Laura confessed that it was someone from the university but there wasn’t much else left to do after all efforts to look for him came to nothing. Besides, Laura didn’t want him in her life. She wanted Carmilla. That was one more thing they had to discuss with Laura’s father, to which he responded with little care. It was either he fully accepted his daughter’s sexuality or that it wasn’t an issue compared to the pregnancy. Whatever it was, it didn’t mask the fact that Laura’s father was terribly uncomfortable with their living arrangement.

Laura wasn’t totally on board when Carmilla suggested that they move out. First off, she didn’t have any money and she didn’t like the idea of asking for more from her father. Second, Carmilla suggested that they move into the university Dean’s apartment, the Dean being Carmilla’s maker. And third, what were they supposed to do back in Silas?

“It’ll be better than being here with your dad,” Carmilla explained. “I have some money saved up. We can use that.”

Laura raised an eyebrow at this. “You know I don’t want to just mooch off of you, right? I’ll have to look for a job. It’ll be hard to find a decent one since I haven’t graduated but there has to be something.”

“Whatever you want, sweetheart. I won’t stop you if you want to look for a job. Heck, I’ll need to look for something to do, too. Maybe loot some dorm rooms…”

“Carm…”

Carmilla laughed as she pulled Laura onto her lap and kissed her cheek. “I’m kidding. Sheesh. Just please say yes? You can’t honestly be comfy with the way your dad treats you and the kid, right? It’s like he stopped being himself.”

Laura pressed her forehead to Carmilla’s and nodded. Her father had indeed changed. They barely talked now. “I guess Emma deserves better. Dad won’t even look at her, much less acknowledge that she’s his granddaughter. Are you sure we’re going to be okay in the Dean’s apartment? I mean, what if she suddenly comes back?”

Carmilla let out a groan, dismissing all thoughts of her maker. “She’s gone. That’s all that matters. It’s going to be okay. I promised I’d raise the kid with you and it’s only right that I help provide you with what you need.”

Laura smiled and kissed Carmilla on the nose like she usually does when she feels snugly. “It’s _Emma_. You never call her by her name.”

“Who says I call anybody by their name, creampuff?” Carmilla teased in a hushed reply, her eyes lingering on Laura’s lips which hovered above hers. “The only time I _do_ say your name is when we…”

“Woah-kay, lady killer!” Laura abruptly pulled away and left Carmilla’s lap, establishing some much-needed distance. Otherwise, things would have gone farther while Emma was still in the room. She widened her eyes at Carmilla then tilted her head toward Emma’s crib, hoping Carmilla got the clue that there were some things they couldn’t say or do with the baby around.

Carmilla stood up and grabbed Laura by the waist anyway but only to hug her and to reluctantly say that she would agree to keep things PG-13 between them if Laura agreed to move out with her.

Of course, Laura said yes.

There wasn’t much to move. Emma’s crib was the only big piece of luggage they had. The Dean’s apartment had everything else but also a whole lot of things that they didn’t really need. It didn’t bother Laura that they had a hot tub in the bathroom, though, and rooms filled with plush furniture and carpeted floors. The trap doors, on the other hand, were a bit too much so she asked Carmilla to help her nail those shut.

“Can you check on Emma while I wash my hands? I think I heard her crying upstairs. We really need to buy baby monitors soon. I didn’t expect this _apartment_ to be a mansion, Carm. We have _so_ much space!”

Carmilla dusted herself off as she picked herself up from the floor with a hammer in hand. She watched as Laura scanned the living room where the largest trap door was.

“I wonder who else lived here…”

“That doesn’t matter now, you know?” Carmilla replied as she started making her way to the staircase. “I’ll go check on the little monkey now. You better follow soon. She’s going to ask for a nipple to suck on for some milk and I don’t really have that much to offer, being _undead_ and all.” Laura looked at her with a frown and it made her laugh on the inside. “No need to look at me like that, cupcake. She really does need to be fed. I also wouldn’t mind _watching_.” She raised her eyebrows up and down, meriting a groan from Laura and then a slight chuckle.

“You are _such_ a sleeze! Just go check on her already!”

Carmilla laughed, turned on her heels and ran up the stairs before the box of nails that Laura threw at her reached her person. _This is kinda fun_. She stepped into Emma’s room and found that the baby had fallen asleep. “Hey there, monkey,” she whispered as she traced a line down Emma’s cheek. The baby stirred but remained intent on sleeping. A patch of brown hair like Laura’s had now started growing on top of her head and she was starting to look more like her parents. If Carmilla squinted hard enough, she could see a hint of Will’s thin nose and a bit of his elongated jaw. She sighed at this realization, annoyed by the reminder of this child’s origin. The sigh must have been louder than she intended for it to be because Emma was now opening her eyes and stretching her arms above her head. She blinked at Carmilla after a long yawn.

“What are _you_ looking at?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow at the unsuspecting baby, suddenly feeling judged, which was ridiculous, but Emma was unfazed by her cold tone and just kept staring at her, holding her gaze as if she was about to say something back. Carmilla waited for it, but of course there was nothing. “I hope you’re nothing like him, at least,” she told the baby, sincerely hoping that would be the case. She never did get along with Will and she didn’t regret getting rid of him. Not one bit. She only wished she wouldn’t feel the same kind of resentment toward Laura’s daughter.

Emma made a sound just then, something between a cough and a chuckle. Carmilla considered calling Laura but she figured that Laura would come running in a panic if she shouted from the second floor. She picked Emma up herself and rubbed her back. “If you throw up on me, I swear to Lophii, I _will_ end you,” she said into Emma’s ear through gritted teeth. The baby responded with another unintelligible sound. Carmilla quickly held the baby in front of her by the armpits to check if something had gone wrong. “What is it now?”

Emma appeared tight-lipped and her eyes were locked onto Carmilla’s. Right then, Carmilla again felt that she was being judged. It was as if the baby knew something she had done. It was as if the baby knew that Carmilla had killed her father. Carmilla flinched and shook the feeling away before settling the baby back into her crib. Then she made her way downstairs to call Laura, all the while thinking that the baby might have Will’s nose and his jaw, but her eyes were Laura’s – a mesmerizing shade of hazel brown that always reflected everything good and right in the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma's nickname is "little monkey" (sometimes "monkey" in other chapters) because I thought of how Sarah Manning calls her daughter (she just uses "monkey") in Orphan Black. Since Elise loves the show, I figured it was fitting.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scooby gang visits the apartment.

It was awkward at first for Laura to have her friends over in the Dean’s apartment, especially after how long she had kept out of touch.

LaFontaine and Perry were the first to arrive, of course. They brought home-baked cake and the cookies that Laura loved. They were surprised that Laura had been living near campus but decided to tell them only recently but they understood that after everything that happened Laura needed a lot of space. Carmilla greeted them with a lazy wave before she took the cake and the cookies to the kitchen.

Danny came in next after half an hour or so with a box wrapped in baby blue paper with clouds on it. She said Emma would need what was inside. Danny and Carmilla only exchanged curt nods over some cake and didn’t speak at all throughout the day except when Danny wished her good luck with raising Emma with Laura. They still hadn’t put their differences aside but they could be civil like this if needed.

Kirsch was the last one to arrive. He admitted that he was hesitant to show up because he felt guilty over what happened with Will. They were Zeta brothers and he should have known better. He already said his share of apologies months ago when Laura revealed to them what had happened, but it seemed he was still beating himself up over it. Laura assured him that it wasn’t his fault and offered him a slice of cake with a big smile.

“So when do we get to see her?” Kirsch said after licking the icing off of his fork.

“She’s right here,” replied Carmilla, who had been cradling Emma while Laura served cake to their guests. She walked over to the couch where everyone was and turned to her side so Emma would be facing them. “Say hello, little monkey.”

Perry broke into a long “Awwww…” as she stood up to get a closer look. “I am very scared right now that she might drool all over me but she’s adorable! Not like a monkey at all, Carmilla.”

Carmilla shrugged and asked if Perry wanted to hold Emma instead. “Oh no, no, no! That’s okay. _You_ do it,” she said, nudging LaFontaine. Carmilla handed Emma over and excused herself to the kitchen. She walked in on Laura munching on some cookies. “I figured you’d be doing that,” she said as she leaned on the door post with her arms crossed on her chest.

Laura raised a finger, signalling that she was still chewing. She cleared her throat before speaking. “I haven’t had these in months! They’re _so_ good. I could eat them forever.” She took another one from the pack and took a bite. Carmilla started to walk toward her with a slight smile. “So, uh, this is okay, right? That I invited them, I mean.”

Carmilla nodded as she wiped the side of Laura’s mouth with her thumb. “I think you needed this. You’ve been away from them for a long time.”

“I guess. They’re good company.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Carmilla drawled. “So _I’m_ not good company?”

Laura rolled her eyes, dismissing the statement. “You know what I mean. They’re our friends. They should be part of Emma’s life, too.”

“They’re _your_ friends, cupcake. Not mine. But I don’t mind having them over as long as no one breaks anything.”

Laura lightly slapped Carmilla’s arm and laughed. “It’s not like they’re gradeschoolers, you know? They won’t break—”

“Kirsch, what the hell?!” went Danny’s voice from the living room.

Nothing got broken, much to Carmilla’s relief, but Kirsch did end up removing a mounted stag head from the wall. It was only just to take a closer look at it after LaFontaine suggested that it triggered the opening of a trap door. Laura revealed that the trap doors had to be opened manually and that they had nailed them shut, to which LaFontaine responded with a disappointed huff. Danny apologized for shouting “what the hell?” during Kirsch’s stint because she was cradling Emma in her arms at the time and the words just slipped out. Laura was a bit concerned that Emma would pick up on such a phrase during infancy but she accepted Danny’s apology. She figured Carmilla would end up saying something profane one of these days anyway. She’ll just use those as an opportunity to teach her daughter wrong from right.

The gang left after Laura said Emma needed to be tucked in for her afternoon nap but not before Danny reminded her to open the gift. Laura did just that and found a fluffy blanket as blue as the gift wrapper, which Emma refused to let go of until she finally fell asleep.

Laura pulled a chair up near the crib and watched her daughter slumber, exhausted from entertaining guests and also a bit from breastfeeding. Her daughter was an angel but she sure had one heck of an appetite. She laughed to herself at the thought as she pressed her forehead to the wooden frame of the crib and observed her daughter through the spaces in between the thick bars. She felt her heart swell at the sight until a tinge of fear crept into her thoughts. _You look just like him._

She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing Will’s image out of her head. It had been hard for the first few weeks after the incident but she had gotten better at calming herself down. There had been times when she would start trembling without warning and she had to claw at her clothes just to breathe. Even in her sleep, she was sometimes forced to relive what happened and each time she would feel more helpless than before. It helped that she always woke up to Carmilla’s voice, asking her to please wake up and drink a glass of cold water. Not long after she does, she’d be enveloped in a tight embrace which kept her safe until she woke up the next day.

“You okay over there, cupcake?” went Carmilla’s voice from the doorway.

Laura opened her eyes and lifted her head, blinking the tears away. She wiped her eyes before turning to respond. “I’m okay. Just a bit tired.” It was the truth but she knew Carmilla meant more than just her physical well-being. She patted the arm-rest of the chair and Carmilla walked over to sit on it. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. What is it?” Carmilla replied as she ran her fingers through Laura’s hair, which proved to relax the shorter girl.

“I know you don’t like talking about it but I just need to know. Don’t get mad, okay?”

“You know I can’t promise that.”

“Okay, you can get mad. But I need you to tell me where Will is. I know I let you tell my dad that he’s nowhere to be found but that’s just because we really couldn’t find him. It’s not like he has family that we know of, either. It’s just… if you do know where he is, I need you to tell me—”

“I killed him.”

The words came naturally from Carmilla and Laura stiffened as she was reminded of Carmilla’s nature, of how she could _kill_ if she wanted to. Carmilla must have sensed her uneasiness because she left the arm-rest and turned around to face away from her. “Carm, when were you going to tell me?”

A loud sigh filled the room as Carmilla’s shoulders fell and she shook her head. “I don’t know,” she replied, still facing away from Laura. “I didn’t want to make it a big deal.”

“But it _is_ a big deal.” Laura was now on her feet and she started to approach Carmilla from behind. “I don’t want him anywhere near me or Emma, but I think we both had the right to know what happened to him. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Carmilla had no decent answer to that. _I just wanted him dead. I couldn’t stand the thought of him still walking around after what he just did to you. He deserved it._ It wasn’t long before she felt Laura’s arms snake around her waist and Laura’s head pressed to her back. “I’m sorry,” was all she could say.

They didn’t exchange another word for what felt like eternity and all she heard was Laura’s breathing, Emma’s light snoring and the bones in her fingers cracking under her clenched fists. What did Laura think of her now? Did Laura think she was a monster like how she’s been perceived for centuries? Should she not have killed Will?

“Thank you,” went a mutter from Laura as she tightened her hold on Carmilla and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. With much hesitation, Carmilla turned around and was met with a genuine smile. Laura’s eyes met hers and she smiled back, unsure of what to say at this point. _You’re welcome? Any time, cutie?_ In the end, she didn’t bother saying anything and instead returned Laura’s hug.

Laura was the one who broke the silence, saying she wanted a glass of water. As they rounded the corner before the staircase, Laura noticed the portrait she had been meaning to ask Carmilla about. It wasn’t as big as the other frames and it was out of place in the middle of two abstract pieces. Carmilla took a good look at it before unhooking it from its place. Without a word, Laura followed her downstairs and into the basement where the incinerator was. She watched as Carmilla tossed the portrait into the fire, the flames reflecting off of her eyes as Carmilla let out what she swore was a hiss.

“So it _was_ him,” Laura said, placing a hand on the small of Carmilla’s back as they watched the fire. “How was he connected to the Dean?”

Carmilla sighed, partly to release her anger and partly to keep the smoke out of her nose. “He and I had the same maker. The Dean, I mean. He was practically my brother.”

She felt no remorse after having said it. Still no attachment and still no guilt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thanks for the kudos, guys! :)
> 
> You guys probably noticed already but there are a lot of time jumps. I forgot to explain why. This story was supposed to be a one-shot so everything had to be quick when I was writing it but then it got really long so I decided to turn it into a chaptered fic. I still kept the time jumps because otherwise, everything might feel dragging. Happy reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something outdoors for a change.

Emma had already turned one and she made it very apparent that she had grown tired of staying inside the Dean’s apartment. She ignored her toys and the shows that Laura made her watch on the laptop. She had even stopped liking sliding down the stair banister (which Laura disapproved of but Carmilla helped the little monkey do it anyway). As much as Laura hated to admit it, it was time to take Emma out more. She had grown a bit attached to the apartment but it was clearly not baby-friendly with all the antiques on the wall and on the tables and the dismembered mannequin parts on some of the furniture. She still liked the hot tub and even _that_ wasn’t baby-friendly.

She asked for a day-off from the office weeks ago and they finally gave her one. It was a good thing there was an intern who could take over her job as a receptionist at student affairs. She really needed some fresh air and some time with her daughter, who had been spending most of her days with Carmilla ever since she took the receptionist job.

“What’s taking you so long?” Carmilla asked as she watched Laura maneuver around the kitchen. Laura took one look at her and laughed. She furrowed her brows and looked at herself. “What?”

Laura could only point at her and laugh, almost dropping the picnic basket she prepared.

“You know I only wore this because you asked me to, right?” Carmilla said, shifting her weight on one foot. She stared down at the baby harness that was strapped to her torso and the top of Emma’s head, which was all she could see from this angle. Laura was still fighting off the giggles and it looked like Emma had caught it, too. She started laughing with Laura while flailing her arms, making Carmilla almost lose her balance. _The little monkey gained some weight. Goodness!_

“I’m sorry, Carm,” Laura said in between giggles. She kissed the top of Emma’s head and then Carmilla’s cheek before heading out of the kitchen. “We should go before it gets too hot. You’re not the only one who can’t be in the sun for too long, you broody vampire. Babies are still sensitive, too.”

They walked past the entrance to Silas university and went through a small gate that led to the woods. Carmilla led the way, obviously more familiar with the area than Laura was. They arrived at a clearing not long after and Laura proceeded to setting the blanket down under a willow tree.

“I’m taking this off now, okay?” Carmilla alerted Laura, pertaining to the baby harness. She unbuckled Emma from the seat once she saw Laura nod in response. “Go on, little monkey,” she told Emma, giving her a soft push toward the clearing. Emma stretched her arms to her sides and wobbled as she tried to walk while Carmilla followed from behind with her hands ready in case she falls. “You’re actually walking!”

Laura smiled to herself as she watched Carmilla following Emma to the grassy path. Carmilla was still in her usual black leather pants and an old band tee and her combat boots so watching her look after a one-year-old in a onesie seemed out of character, which was one more reason for her to smile at the sight. Once Carmilla and Emma were farther from view, she leaned back on her elbows and stared up at the bit of sunlight peeking through the branches of the willow tree. _This feels nice. When was the last time that I felt this content?_ She honestly could not remember until she heard Carmilla calling out to her.

“Laura!”

“Huh? What?”

Carmilla was holding Emma by the armpits with her arms outstretched in front of her, determined not to get the baby near her clothing as if her life – death… undeath… whatever – depended on it. “She… How do you say it? Took a crap?”

Laura let out a giggle, shaking her head at Carmilla’s panic. She realized that these little moments were what made her feel content and there had been a lot of them since even before Emma entered their lives, when it was just her and Carmilla in their dorm room watching Netflix on her bed or waking up to hot cocoa that Carmilla made while she dozed off in the middle of homework.

“Don’t just sit there! Help me!” Carmilla demanded, shaking Emma from side to side before Laura. “ _Laura…_ ” she whined.

Laura got on her knees and reached out for her daughter, still giggling at how childish Carmilla was acting. “Sheesh! It’s like you’ve never changed her diaper before. Oh wait, you haven’t. _Ever_.” She laid Emma down on the blanket and started removing the onesie to get to the soiled diaper. Carmilla remained at a distance. “Carm, you’re going to have to learn to do this one way or another. What if I’m at work and she poops? It’s bound to happen. Are you just going to leave her like this until I get home?”

Carmilla paused, her eyes shifting to the side.

“Oh my god! You are _not_ seriously considering that, are you?! That’s downright unsanitary!” Laura blurted out, feeling slightly panicked at the thought of Carmilla leaving Emma in a soiled diaper.

It was Carmilla’s turn to laugh now. She knelt beside Laura and looked on but still kept her distance. “Fine, fine. I’ll learn how to change a damn diaper.”

“Carm… _language_.”

Carmilla let out a groan. “You’re such a mom.”

“Because I _am_ a mom. Duh.”

Carmilla couldn’t help but smile at that and how concentrated Laura looked while putting Emma in a fresh diaper.

“So just remember that the side with the tape thingies goes underneath and you press the tape to this shiny area here, okay? And it’ll stick.”

“I think I got it, _mom_.”

Laura gave Emma a little squeeze before turning to Carmilla. “Harhar. Really funny, _vampire_. Are you sure you got it?”

“It’s not rocket science, cutie. But where should I get the towels and the powder?”

“I keep some in the baby bag but they’re also in the bathroom.”

“Okay. I’ll just check at home then.”

_Home_. Laura felt something tug at her heart just then. “Uh, Carm, speaking of that, can we talk about the apartment?”

“What about it?”

They had both changed to a sitting position by this time with Emma sitting right on Laura’s lap, oblivious to everything except the ladybug that was fluttering about near the base of the tree.

“I like living there and all but I think we should move out,” Laura started, biting her lip because she was scared Carmilla would get upset. “A lot of the Dean’s things are really… _old_. And I just keep thinking that with a baby around, something might break or get damaged and I don’t really have the money to replace anything—”

“Laura, stop.” Carmilla placed a hand on Laura’s knee and gave it a squeeze. She understood what Laura meant. Living in her maker’s apartment did seem a tad awkward. “What do you suggest we do?”

Laura shrugged. She hadn’t really thought that far ahead. “Do you think we can afford to rent another apartment? Not something as big as the one now, for sure. But you know, just somewhere else.”

Carmilla scooted over until her shoulder was touching Laura’s and wrapped an arm around Laura’s back to hold her and Emma close. “It has to be somewhere near your work, which just happened to be here.”

“We don’t have to live next to where I work. I can commute,” Laura suggested, now resting on Carmilla’s side.

“That’ll cost more though, don’t you think? And the commute is such a hassle.”

“Well, working at student affairs is a bit weird anyway. I think they still remember my endless complaints about campus security. Maybe I should just look for another job. Somewhere that’s closer to whatever place we can afford.”

Carmilla let out a chuckle as she rested her chin on Laura’s shoulder. “It would be so much easier to spend my centuries’ worth of money on you, creampuff, but I’m sure you’d just push me away if I even suggested it.”

“Damn right I would,” Laura replied with a chuckle of her own.

Carmilla lifted her head and waved a finger. “Nuh-uh-uh. _Language_ , Miss Hollis.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the kudos, guys! This chapter is bit more light-hearted than the next ones. I might post two chapters tomorrow. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: time jump and not-so-explicit smut

The house hunt wasn’t as easy as they thought. Other than debating over which house in which location would be better, there was also the issue of Laura’s friends begging them to choose somewhere still relatively close to Silas.

“We can’t come over quick enough if you guys don’t live close by. What if someone breaks in or tries to kidnap Emma? Or something worse?!” went Kirsch’s opening argument. Carmilla cleared her throat, making everyone turn in her direction. She raised an eyebrow and pointed to herself.

“Oh, of course I’m also worried about someone kidnapping you, Carmilla. That’s why you guys should still be close to us here!”

“Uh, not what I meant, beefcake.”

Of course LaFontaine was the one who explained. “Kirsch, I think she means she can handle anyone who breaks in or tries to kidnap Emma.” They gestured toward Carmilla then enumerated with their fingers: Centuries-old vampire… superhuman speed… superhuman strength… ability to make anything spontaneously combust… can transform into a giant black cat… Overprotective of anything that has to do with Laura… Yup, I think they’re covered.”

“Add diaper-changing skills to that list,” Laura interjected with a slight laugh.

“Well, it looks like we are no longer needed for doodie-duty.” Perry wore a tight smile with her hands clasped together on her stomach. “What a shame…”

A loud “Ha!” escaped Danny, followed by laughter from everyone else except Carmilla who only showed half a smile to show her amusement. “Perry, you’re _glad_ you’re no longer needed for doodie-duty. Don’t even pretend you liked it,” added Danny.

Perry opened her mouth then closed it again, obviously still thinking of a comeback. When none came to mind, they resumed their discussion regarding the house hunt with Kirsch and Danny insisting that it would be safer to be nearby and LaFontaine suggesting anywhere with a good school, “and a clean neighbourhood!” added Perry. But, of course, being the good friends that they were, they ultimately left the decision to Laura and Carmilla.

They ended up renting a house in the suburbs. It cost a bit more than the loft Laura found downtown but Carmilla insisted that she needed a quieter space and was willing to spend more on her share because it was a personal need and Laura didn’t have to be burdened with her preferences. Laura still insisted on splitting the rent down the middle even though she knew she wouldn’t be making much as an apprentice at the local newspaper office. She still had her savings from her previous receptionist job and the support she got from her father so she assured Carmilla she could handle it. She waited for Carmilla’s approval but instead she was met with a chaste kiss on the lips and then on the forehead. Not long after, she found herself in a soft embrace, which she noticed to be the kind that Carmilla gives her when they’re about to get in an argument. “You should save that money up for Emma. She’ll be going to school soon, right?”

So far, Carmilla’s technique had worked. They had avoided arguments this way mostly because Laura can be a sucker for romance, but really it was because she could see how Carmilla had changed. If things were like before, Carmilla would say that Laura was just being naïve and stubborn and that if she didn’t want Carmilla’s help then she won’t have it. If things were like before, Carmilla would let her anger rule and she wouldn’t give Emma as much as a second thought.

Now here they were in their home at the end of the street where Emma was learning how to ride her three-wheeled scooter. Laura saw it in the store on her way home from the office and it was on sale. Just the fact that it was bright yellow was enough for her to rush in and grab it but it definitely didn’t hurt that it was on sale. Emma practically married it the moment she saw it and Carmilla had a laughing fit when she actually lugged it to her room and put it under the covers for her to sleep beside after playing with it. Laura had to explain that it was an outdoor toy and that they would have to leave it in the backyard. “But _mommy_ …” Emma whined in response, much like how Carmilla does it. “No buts, young lady,” Laura replied firmly but she still gave Emma’s nose a squeeze. Carmilla had been watching by the doorway and she echoed Laura’s words but in a surprisingly more gentle way: “Just agree with mommy, little monkey. We’ll play with it again tomorrow.”

That argument didn’t last long. Laura thanked Emma for being understanding and tucked her in with a kiss. Carmilla carried the scooter out of the room and Laura met her by the stairs. “You’re so much better with her now than I am,” Laura said as they descended. Carmilla stopped at the last step and cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Laura scoffed. “You _know_ what I mean, Carm.”

Out went Carmilla’s trademark smirk. “Well, you’d think that if I was such an awesome babysitter than I’d be more entitled to a little… _reward_.”

Laura just rolled her eyes at the suggestive remark and made her way to the living room. Carmilla followed suit, leaving the scooter by the stairs.

“Hey, was it something I said?”

Laura plopped herself down on the couch and put her feet up on the table, her arms and legs spread wide apart in visible exhaustion. Carmilla took a seat beside her and asked again, “Was it something I said?”

“No. It’s not that. I mean, I _do_ want to... _you know_...” Laura saw Carmilla smirk again and she groaned in response. “Never mind. I’m just tired, okay? I’ve been taking extra jobs and it’s taking a lot out of me. And Emma… she’s growing up so fast and I’m not getting any younger.”

There was a brief pause. Carmilla was unsure of what to say. She moved closer so Laura could lean on her shoulder and pressed a kiss to the side of Laura’s head. _What does she want me to say to that?_ Laura was uncharacteristically quiet and Carmilla wondered if she had fallen asleep. She nudged Laura slightly and Laura lifted her head in response, their eyes now engaged in a silent conversation.

Laura was the first to move as she leaned over and brought her face closer to Carmilla’s. Once their foreheads touched, Carmilla leaned in and pressed their lips together just as she’d intended to do the moment Laura arrived from work. If it wasn’t for the scooter then they would’ve been at this hours ago. But this was okay nonetheless. She cupped Laura’s cheek to hold her in place and deepened the kiss, biting on Laura’s lower lip out of habit. The sensation felt so surreal, as if this was the first time that she had done this with Laura, as if they were strangers who had just met. Then again, it had been so long since they had this much time to themselves. This might as well be their first time all over again.

Carmilla sat up slightly and placed a hand on Laura’s shoulder, pushing her slowly to a reclined position on the couch, their lips never leaving one another during the entire motion. She ran a hand down Laura’s button-down shirt all the way to the last button and started from there. One by one, the buttons came undone until she could feel Laura’s bare flesh under her fingers. Laura shuddered. Carmilla pulled away from the kiss to see what had happened only to see Laura biting her lower lip, apologizing with her eyes for the interruption. “I can stop if you want me to,” Carmilla offered.

Laura shook her head as she brought her hands together behind Carmilla’s neck. “No. _Don’t._ It’s just that we haven’t done this in a while.”

“Scared you’re a little rusty?”

“Aren’t _you_?”

Carmilla couldn’t help but laugh as she bumped Laura’s nose with hers. “We could use the practice then,” she whispered before once more capturing Laura’s lips between hers. It had indeed been a while but their bodies seemed to remember each other now. Laura eventually relaxed under Carmilla’s touch and surprisingly even more so after they had shed their underwear.

Laura didn’t expect to be so needy and impatient but it became apparent that she was once Carmilla took a hardened nipple in her mouth and swirled her tongue around it, which was then followed by a trail of kisses from in between Laura’s breasts down to her belly button. Laura swore she felt the sensation run further down to the wet bundle of nerves between her legs and the teasing only got worse when Carmilla ran a finger up the inside of her thigh and no further. She unconsciously groaned to which Carmilla generously responded by moving the said finger where it was needed albeit very slowly just to prolong the teasing. She was grateful nonetheless and she lifted her hips to meet it, giving life to the friction that she had been waiting for. But that didn’t last long when Carmilla decided to slip out. “Carm! What the hell?!”

Carmilla raised the finger to her lips, gesturing at Laura to be quiet. Laura rolled her eyes and lied back down only to be taken off guard when she felt Carmilla’s tongue run up the length of her sex. She sucked in a breath and she quickly bucked her hips to match Carmilla’s rhythm, hoping Carmilla would ease up on the teasing or else she was going to lose it.

“Having fun, cupcake?” Carmilla said against Laura’s aching need, looking up slightly from her position and at Laura’s reaction, which was actually just impatient breathing and a desperate moan. Smiling to herself, she kept the pressure on the bundle of nerves, flicking her tongue hard against it in swift motions while two fingers slipped past the folds in equal rhythm. It wasn’t long before Laura fisted her hair and started pleading, calling out her name in a chain of prayers, which only urged her to go faster. She wasn’t going to lie. Everything Laura was doing in reaction to her ministrations only served to turn her on more, if that was even possible at the moment. She sucked hard on the silent throbbing then went back to flicking her tongue against it only to match how fast her fingers came and went. Laura’s grip on her hair had tightened at this point and so did the space around her two fingers. And all she heard afterwards until Laura rode out her climax was “Carm” and a series of profanities that she hoped didn’t reach Emma’s room.

Carmilla lifted her head from between Laura’s legs and leaned back to catch her breath. Laura had come down from her high and was still lying down, breathing hard with an arm over her eyes. She started laughing not long after. “You made me come on our _couch_ ,” she said as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. Carmilla chuckled in response before leaning in and placing a quick kiss on her lips. “Yeah, what about it, creampuff?”

Laura sat up and leaned back on her elbows, returning Carmilla’s kiss, and then quickly pushed off of the couch so Carmilla would fall backwards, switching their positions. She straddled Carmilla’s hips and very slowly traced a wide circle inches below Carmilla’s belly button. “I was just thinking I’d make you do the same, _sweetheart_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out, there will be a lot of time jumps so I hope you guys won't be confused with the transition. I admit that I suck at transitions so please bear with me. Emma will be growing pretty fast in the following chapters and so will Laura (age-wise, not as regards height 'cause she's not the tiny gay for nothing). Haha.
> 
> Thanks again for the kudos and the comments! I appreciate them a lot.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of not-so-explicit smut and vampire feeding

It was unlike her to be awake this early in the morning. Laura’s alarm for work hadn’t even rang yet but here she was, lying on her front with an arm under her chin and her eyes glued to the naked girl lying on her side and facing away from her.

As she looked on, she relived the previous night in her head, grinning to herself every time she saw the image of a lustful Laura hovering above her. Everything seemed to move terribly slow after Laura got her on her back and spread her legs, revealing the moisture that had grown in between. She saw Laura lick her lips at the sight and she swore she heard herself whimper in response. But Laura obviously wanted to get her back for her teasing earlier that night so the wet mound in between her legs remained untouched for a few minutes more. Instead, Laura’s mouth found its way to her neck (where she now swears a bruise is forming) and then down to the side of her breast, which Laura cupped and kissed before moving to the other. She had started begging Laura at this point to finish her off, having already been teetering on the edge since she watched Laura climax, but she had no such luck. “What’s wrong, _cupcake_?” Laura said, imitating her right down to the throaty growl. She was so far gone by then that she didn’t even have a witty retort.

The rest was a blur. All she remembered was Laura hovering over her one second and then disappearing into the space between her legs the next. Her failure to remember details aside, she was sure it didn’t take long for her to reach her limit if her memories of how she screamed Laura’s name repeatedly was any indication.

Yes, the previous night had been amazing.

But that wasn’t what shook her out of slumber. It was what Laura said in the living room: _“I’m not getting any younger.”_ Carmilla wondered what Laura had meant by that. Emma had already turned two and Laura had had two birthdays of her own to match. Carmilla, on the other hand, was no longer bound by time. She wondered if Laura wanted the same thing.

Carmilla sat up but still kept her eyes on Laura’s small frame. She ran a finger down Laura’s back down to the small of it and then back up. She felt Laura stir a little but not enough to be awake. She leaned closer to press her lips to Laura’s exposed shoulder, her senses now heightened enough to hear the nearby pulse point. She eyed Laura’s neck and unconsciously licked her lips at the thought of sinking her fangs into it. It wouldn’t be the first time, but at this moment she wanted more than just to feed. At this moment, she wanted Laura at the point of death where, _finally_ , they could exist on the same ground and time would be nothing but a word.

Carmilla inched closer, her fangs now protruding from her mouth. She licked a patch of  skin on Laura’s neck and took in the salty flavor of dried sweat and a hint of Laura’s floral perfume that clung to it. A beat passed, Laura’s pulse now ringing in her ears. Her hunger spiked and without warning she bit into the throbbing, immediately tasting the distinct sweetness of Laura’s blood. Laura stood up with a jolt, her palm instinctively pressed to her neck, her eyes searching Carmilla’s for an explanation for what just happened. Carmilla licked the side of her mouth and turned away from Laura’s gaze while she retracted her fangs. _Shit. What did I just do?_ She faced forward again but she couldn’t meet Laura’s eyes.

“We’ve talked about this,” Laura started, maintaining her distance from the bed and from Carmilla. “If you’re hungry you just have to tell me. Also, it doesn’t have to be my neck, right?” She took a breath as she tried to push down any memories of the last time someone bit into her neck. Carmilla hadn’t fed from her through that spot ever since the incident for obvious reasons. Sometimes it was on her wrist or the inside of her thigh but never again on her neck. Until now.

“I’m sorry,” went a weak reply from Carmilla. She left the bed and slowly walked toward Laura, holding her arms up in surrender. Laura took a step back. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. It just happened. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Carm, you should know how this would make me feel. You, _of all people_ , should know!”

Carmilla nodded. She wasn’t going to argue. She quickly bit into her finger, drawing blood. “Here, we have to close it up quick.” Laura flinched at her touch and she felt her chest tighten at the reaction. The last thing she wanted was for Laura to be terrified of her but it was too late. Laura’s wound closed as soon as she pressed her bloodied finger on it but she knew that that didn’t make anything better between them.

Right then, Laura’s alarm rang. They both stared at the bedside table where the digital clock blinked and chimed. Carmilla hung her head low, still ashamed of what she had tried to do. From her view of the floor, she saw Laura starting to walk toward the ringing alarm then it went off with a beep. It wasn’t long before Laura returned to the spot in front of her and she felt a finger tilt her chin up, forcing her to meet hazel eyes. “I’m really sorry. I messed up,” she said, her voice on the verge of cracking. If crying in front of Laura would make this all go away then she would let the dam burst, but even if it wouldn’t she knew she was still going to cry.

“Were you just hungry?” Laura asked, her hand now cupping Carmilla’s cheek.

Carmilla shook her head, blinking away a few tears. “I was just thinking of what you said last night. That you’re not getting any younger,” she began to explain. “I just thought that maybe you wanted me to do it.” She paused, waiting to see if Laura had understood what she meant but she was only met with furrowed brows. “To turn you, I mean,” she continued. “Then you wouldn’t have to worry about getting older.”

A smile slowly formed on Laura’s lips. She shook her head and chuckled. “You silly vampire.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course I am! But what you said sounded pretty romantic.” Laura closed the distance between them and touched Carmilla’s forehead with hers as she brought her hand down from Carmilla’s cheek and found Carmilla’s resting hand instead. She intertwined their fingers and held on. “I know you were only thinking of me when you did it. You just scared me is all. I also didn’t think you’d remember anything else I said last night, much less me worrying about my age.” She let out a slight smirk and Carmilla noticed.

“Don’t flatter yourself, cutie. The sex wasn’t _that_ mindblowing.” But of course, Carmilla was lying.

“Oh really? I seem to remember a certain someone screaming my name over and over, asking for more.”

Carmilla groaned. “Can you just please get mad at me already? That’d honestly be less embarrassing than this conversation.”

“ _Fine._ You’re sleeping on the couch for a week. Feeding will be from the extra blood bags. And no sex. Probably.”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “Probably?”

“Yeah, _probably_.”

“I better put some clothes on then before we break your rule,” Carmilla teased with a low growl, pretending to cover herself up with her hands.

Laura rolled her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, vampire. You’re not _that_ hot.”

“Neither are you, cupcake.”

They both broke into smiles and laughed at their petty banter. Laura placed a quick kiss on Carmilla’s lips before pulling away, unsure of whether it was wise to just leave it at that but she was going to be late for work if she didn’t get a move on. She was about to head to the bathroom when Carmilla grabbed her arm. “If you wanted me to turn you, you’d tell me, right?”

Laura didn’t know, to be honest, but she nodded just the same. She flashed Carmilla a wide smile for good measure.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been said that vampires don't cry but I'm not sticking to it. I'm also not going to adapt the lores that say vampires cry tears of blood, like in True Blood for example. I just wanted to clear that up. Also, about the blood bags, I'm not going to go into much detail as to where they got some but in my head, they don't get them regularly because that would be suspicious. So let's just assume that Carm does feed on Laura from time to time.
> 
> Thanks for reading, guys!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day without Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3-year time jump!

“Carm!”

Carmilla did a little wave, preparing herself for the daily—

“Carm!”

—tackle.

“Hey little monkey.” Carmilla wrapped her arms around the five-year-old and lifted her into the air but she brought her down just as quickly, hoping none of the other parents noticed how strong she was for her size. “You hungry?”

“Yup! Can we get some ice cream?” Emma grabbed on to Carmilla’s pinky out of habit and started swaying their arms back and forth. “Is mommy going to be home today?”

“Hm… should we call her and ask?” Carmilla led them to a corner of the parking lot and took her phone out. She unlocked it and handed it over to Emma. “Do you still remember how to call mommy?”

“I just press this button and this one,” Emma recited as she did just that. “It’s ringing!”

Carmilla watched as Emma paced in front of her with the phone pressed to her ear, her small backpack jiggling with every step. It was taking a while for Laura to pick up.

“Huh. She didn’t answer. Can I try again?” Emma looked up at Carmilla and pointed to the phone. Carmilla nodded. Emma pressed the phone to her ear after pressing call and started pacing again, this time biting on her lower lip while she waited. Carmilla couldn’t help but notice that she was picking up on Laura’s habits. “Carm, mommy won’t pick up!”

“Maybe she left her phone somewhere again,” Carmilla replied, hoping that excuse would do for now. Laura hadn’t returned any of her messages or calls all day, either, but she didn’t want to tell Emma that. “We can try again later, okay? Let’s get you some ice cream.”

Emma handed the phone over with a pout and reclaimed Carmilla’s pinky. The short walk to the local convenience store was silent and it broke Carmilla’s heart when Emma still hadn’t smiled after receiving her favorite cookies and cream popsicle.

“So… how was school today?” Carmilla asked, breaking the silence. Emma was already halfway through her popsicle, which was unusual because she usually liked letting it melt in her mouth instead of biting into it.

“We got to play outside today. It was fun, I guess.” The reply was short and it worried Carmilla all the more. Emma wasn’t Laura’s daughter for nothing. Emma was a talker and, like her mother, would ramble on until she was out of breath. Instead, she just bit into the last of her popsicle and flicked the stick away. “Can we go home now? Maybe mommy’s already there.”

Carmilla could do nothing but nod. She held out her pinky for Emma to take and they walked out of the store toward the bus stop. Laura had been out of town for three days now. Why her journalism internship had to be out of town didn’t make sense to Carmilla but she was so eager to go and she said it wouldn’t last for more than a few days tops so there really was no argument to be had there.

The bus ride home was similarly silent. Between the two of them, Carmilla always relied on Emma to fill the silence. She always had a story about what they did at school or a new friend she made or what she wanted to do when they get home. Carmilla did consider coaxing Emma into talking about those things but the five-year-old seemed lost in thought, her eyes glued to her shoes as she swung her legs back and forth on the edge of her seat.

Carmilla took her phone out and tried calling Laura one more time. She got a few rings in before the line went dead. Laura must have ended the call on purpose. She decided to send a text instead. _“Hey. Is everything alright? When are you coming home?”_

Laura’s reply came later that evening after Carmilla had already tucked Emma into bed. They were both pretty much quiet throughout the rest of the afternoon except for when Emma asked Carmilla to watch cartoons with her before dinner. Emma had a few laughs at least and so did Carmilla even though she still convinced herself that cartoons would someday rot everyone’s brain. She heated some spaghetti for Emma’s dinner and made her hot cocoa, which usually cheered her up, but it didn’t work so well tonight. “Let’s get you in your jammies, little monkey,” Carmilla said as she tickled Emma’s sides. That merited her some giggles but they didn’t last. After Emma brushed her teeth and flossed with Carmilla’s help, she was off to bed. She didn’t even ask for a bedtime story. Then again, that had always been Laura’s job. Carmilla figured that maybe she wasn’t worthy of sharing in the task.

_“I’ll be home in 5 mins,”_ read Laura’s text. Carmilla rushed downstairs and waited on their porch. She texted back: _“What took you so long to reply??”_

_“Long story. I’m just around the corner.”_

Carmilla pocketed her phone and heard a cab approaching their street. She watched Laura pay the fare and wave goodbye to the driver before she walked over and took Laura’s travelling bag. “Hey you,” she said with a smile. Laura beamed at her and pulled her into a hug. “Don’t think this sweetness gets you off the hook, cupcake. We were worried sick.”

Laura pulled away and sighed. “I know, I know. Let’s just talk about it later. How’s Emma? Is she asleep already?”

Carmilla opened the front door and led them inside. “I tucked her in but I doubt she’s—”

“Mommy!!”

“—asleep.”

Emma had run down the stairs and straight into Laura’s arms the moment they walked in. “What took you so long?” she asked Laura, stomping her feet with a pout. Laura picked her up by the arm pits and hugged her. “Sorry, sweetie. Mommy was just busy today. I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

“Hm?” Emma cocked her head to the side with a big grin. “Can I have cookies before bed?”

Laura chuckled as she set Emma down and ruffled her hair, which now ended just below her chin, reminding Laura of her own childhood haircut. “Okay, okay. You can have cookies before bed. Go get the cookie jar then.”

Emma raced to the kitchen, now all smiles, leaving Laura and Carmilla in the living room.

“So what’s the story?” Carmilla began as she let herself fall on the couch. Laura remained standing.

“I just needed some time alone. It was a very weird day. I got invited to this party with the other interns after we did some research for our presentation next week and—Don’t freak out, okay? But something happened.”

Carmilla sat up straighter, sensing that Laura was about to say something terrible. “Look, the last time you told me something happened, something _bad_ had happened. Don’t tell me—”

“Something bad happened, mommy?”

Emma had emerged from the kitchen, holding the TARDIS cookie jar with both hands. She stared up at Laura and then climbed up the couch to sit next to Carmilla. “What’re you guys talking about?”

Laura and Carmilla exchanged glances. Carmilla shrugged, leaving Laura to explain things herself. She knelt next to where Emma was sitting and took a cookie for herself from the jar. “I was just telling Carm here that I went out with some friends—”

“Ooooh! That reminds me that I made a new friend today.”

“ _Now_ she tells us,” Carmilla muttered, secretly happy that Emma was in a talking mood again.

“That’s great!” Laura tapped Emma’s knee and took a bite out of her cookie.

“Yeah! He’s really nice. His name is Noah—”

Laura immediately met Carmilla’s eyes at the mention of her son’s name. “Did you know about this?” Carmilla shook her head, looking just as surprised, but before she could get a word in, Emma continued with the story.

“We played on the swings together and I shared my cookies with him and he told me I was cool. I told him he was cool too and he laughed then his mom started calling him. She was wearing this long white coat and I laughed at it but he got a bit mad and told me his mom is a doctor and they have to wear the coat so they can make people feel better and stuff. Mommy, do you need a doctor? Because something bad happened?”

Laura shook her head and smiled at her daughter, willing herself not to put too much meaning into Emma meeting a boy named after her dead son. “I don’t need a doctor, sweetie. I already had a cookie, see? And cookies always make mommy feel better. Plus, you know what else?”

Emma shook her head.

Laura grabbed the cookie jar and placed it on the table before launching toward Emma in a tickle frenzy. The five-year-old burst out laughing and thrashed about on the couch in response. “Mommy! _Stop_! HAHAHAHA!”

Laura let out a few laughs of her own until she stopped tickling her daughter and ended up hugging her really tight. “I missed you a lot, sweetie.”

“I missed you, too, mommy. Don’t leave for that long again.”

“Why? Didn’t Carm take good care of you?”

“Of course she takes care of me. But when you’re not here she gets really sad. And I’m sad. So we’re just sad all day and we miss you.”

Laura turned to Carmilla and saw her smile. No comeback or snarky comment. Just that smile that told her that everything Emma said was true.

“I’m sorry I made you guys sad. I was sad, too.” Laura kissed Emma’s nose and gave her another hug. “Okay, it’s way past your bedtime. You can take three cookies upstairs but you have to promise to brush your teeth after you eat them, okay?”

Emma took out three cookies as instructed and counted them in front of Laura. “One, two, three cookies. I promise to brush my teeth after I eat them all.”

“Good girl. Then it’s off to bed, okay?”

“Yes mommy. Good night!” Emma hugged Laura tightly then walked over to Carmilla and raised her arms. “Carm! You have to hug me good night, too!”

Carmilla laughed as she leaned down from the couch and wrapped her arms around the bubbly five-year-old. “Good night, little monkey.”

Once Emma had disappeared from view, Laura sat next to Carmilla on the couch and hugged her arm. Their talk had been way overdue. “Someone slipped something in my drink,” she said, almost in a whisper. She heard Carmilla take in a sharp breath. She knew Carmilla would be mad but there was no reason not to tell her. “I felt dizzy at one point but I figured it out eventually. I ran out of there as soon as I could.”

Carmilla clenched a fist and she let out a loud sigh. “That does it. You’re not going back to that internship thing. You can just find another class to attend for your degree.”

“Come on. Don’t be like that.”

“Be like what? Worried about you? Laura, what if you got hurt? What if… What if it was worse?”

Laura nodded as she rested her chin on Carmilla’s shoulder and held her closer. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. Suddenly, it was that night all over again. I hated it. I hated myself. Again, I was helpless. I was just lucky I managed to get out of there. And after I did, I had a lot of doubts. Doubts about myself and about raising Emma. I was thinking maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Maybe I really am way in over my head. Then there’s you. You’ve been so good to us but sometimes I wonder whether you’d rather be somewhere else. Wouldn’t it be so much easier for you to just leave us? You can go anywhere you want and, you know, _feed_ whenever you want. But you stayed. And I know you didn’t just do it for me—”

“Don’t be an idiot. _Of course_ I did it for you.”

Laura smiled in response, amused at how sweet Carmilla was being. “Can I ask you a question?”

“What is it?”

“You said if I wanted you to turn me, I should tell you, right?”

Carmilla nodded. She slipped her shoulder from under Laura’s chin and turned to meet Laura’s eyes. “Have you been thinking about it?”

“Well, not really for myself.” Laura thought back to what this day had done to her and how it reminded her of the things she had. That and the ones she’d lost. Then Emma just had to meet a boy named Noah on this same day. “I just thought that if you could’ve gotten to Noah, would you have turned him? So he’d live?” Laura held her next breath. Carmilla showed no signs of wanting to respond. “Oh never mind. It’s stupid. That wouldn’t be okay, right? He was a newborn. It’s not like it’d be easy for him to be a vampire at that age. It would’ve been hard to get more blood for him, too, and he’d have a hard time understanding why he isn’t like the other kids. So, anyway, never mind I said anything.”

Laura stood up to leave for Emma’s bedroom. Part of her expected Carmilla to call out to her but she didn’t hear a peep. Only her thoughts followed. _That was a stupid thing to say. Of course she wouldn’t have turned him. She didn’t want him in the first place. Not even Emma. But she wants this now, right? She’s okay with us being a family now, right?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I keep imagining that Emma is a mini-Laura. Haha.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos once again and for the comments! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ups and downs of parenting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major time jump.

The house at the end of the street had gotten busier over the years, Carmilla noticed.

Laura was in her study, proofreading another article for the local newspaper. Because she had been working at the office as an apprentice while splitting her time to take classes, they didn’t hesitate to hire her the moment she got her diploma. At first she was just given a minor column then she started handing in real pieces and now she had been bumped up to assistant editor and the editor-in-chief no longer gave a second thought about a piece as long as she was the one who proofread it. Down the hall from Laura’s study, Emma was in her room, doing her homework days before it was due, which reminded Carmilla just how much she had grown to be like Laura.

The house at the end of the street had also gotten cosier.

Carmilla lifted her eyes from the book she was reading and stared off into the backyard. There were two bikes leaning on the fence – one was Laura’s and the other was Emma’s. She could vaguely remember when Emma traded in her three-wheeled scooter for it.

Was it when she turned 7 and started going to indoor soccer practice?

Was it around the time she turned 8 and started making her own hot cocoa?

That was also the year of the bouncy-house party. Carmilla was initially against the whole thing since it involved children, their parents, a lot of noise and just people in general. Laura promised it wouldn’t be too big a party since they didn’t know a lot of people at the time and Emma only wanted a few friends over.

“She’s not buddies with the whole school, Carm. Unlike _someone_ I know,” Laura scoffed, obviously pertaining to Carmilla’s ‘study buddies’ back in Silas.

“It’s not _my_ fault I was such a popular girl,” Carmilla proudly replied with a hand on her hip. “And it’s not like you weren’t hooking up with your TA, too, creampuff.”

“Who? Danny? I was not!”

That argument ended with Laura inviting a few more people from the office, much to Carmilla’s dismay. Emma, on the other hand, was ecstatic that she received twice the number of gifts than she expected. One of the bouncy-houses caught fire that day, though, and Carmilla still denied her involvement to this day.

When Emma turned 10, she started bringing her friends over more often for slumber parties and group projects. During this time, Carmilla often disappeared into the backyard and took naps on the makeshift hammock she and Laura put up. She only got up when Emma came to get her.

“Em, are you sure your mom’s okay? She seems really pale.”

Carmilla perked up an ear at the sound of a slightly familiar voice. She couldn’t put a face to it but it was definitely one of Emma’s friends.

“Carm’s fine. She just has really sensitive skin,” went Emma’s voice in reply. Carmilla felt a hand on her shoulder. “Carm, wake up. Can you take us to the store? We ran out of paint.”

“Did you check in our room? I think I have some,” Carmilla replied in a slur, shielding her eyes from the bit of sunlight peeking through the awning.

“But you told me not to go in there. You said it’s _private_ ,” Emma said, adding the air quotes.

“Just go…” went Carmilla’s lazy reply as she rolled on her side to face away from them.

They still ended up going to the store that day and the moment Laura got home they all had to have a little talk.

“Emma, sweetie, about what you saw in our room—”

“Carm said it’s for massages, mom. I get it. Can I please just go back to my friends now?” Emma bounced a leg up and down while she sat on the edge of the couch.

“I told you she’s a smart little monkey,” Carmilla told Laura, trying to keep herself from laughing.

“ _You_ don’t get to talk,” went Laura’s swift retort, obviously stressing out over how to explain the situation to her daughter. “I’ll deal with you later,” she added in an angry whisper.

“ _Can’t wait_ ,” went Carmilla’s suggestive reply. “Plus, that bunched up little face you’re making when you’re angry is _hilarious_ , buttercup.”

“Guys… if you want, I can leave the room so you can make kissy-kissy faces at each other already,” Emma spoke up from the couch, making her impatience felt.

Laura heaved out a sigh. She let Emma go back to her friends upstairs then grabbed a cookie from the jar in the kitchen. Carmilla followed suit.

“Look, she’s not old enough to care about things like that. You saw how she bought my explanation, right? It’s just for _massages_.” Carmilla placed her hands on Laura’s shoulders and pressed her thumbs hard against her joints. “Much like what you need right now, cutie.”

Laura was still tense under Carmilla’s hands. She let out another sigh. “We can’t be sure that she actually believes what you said. Why was that thing lying around in plain sight in the first place? Oh gods… What if her friends tell their parents? They’ll think _we’re_ bad parents! Oh no, oh no, oh no…” Laura started pacing while pressing a palm against her forehead.

Carmilla watched Laura for a while, thinking to herself that maybe Laura was overreacting. “We’re not bad parents. Heck, _I’m_ not even Emma’s parent.” That seemed to get Laura’s attention as she stopped pacing and turned to Carmilla with furrowed brows. “And you’re not a bad mother, creampuff. I would know if you were. Child from a dysfunctional family here,” she added, pointing to herself. Laura was still staring at her without a word and she knew that worried look. “Uh, never mind I said that. But you really shouldn’t worry about the little monkey and her crew seeing the vibrator. It’s not that big of a deal—”

“Carm… Of course you’re Emma’s parent,” Laura interjected, putting the vibrator issue on hold.

“I’m pretty sure she doesn’t see it that way, sweetheart. At most, I’m just the fun aunt. And that’s fine, really—”

“No, it’s not fine. You’re just covering it up with your I-don’t-care-I’m-a-badass-vampire attitude but you really are upset, aren’t you? You can tell me, Carm. Come on, it’s just me.”

Carmilla’s shoulders fell as a sigh escaped her. Laura wasn’t going to let this one slide. “Okay, maybe I’m a _little_ peeved that she calls me ‘Carm.’ You know you’re the only one I allow to call me that, right? But she just outright claimed it!”

Laura responded with a slight smile. “You sure that’s all you’re worried about?”

_And maybe I want to be called ‘mom,’ too._ “Yes, creampuff. That’s all I’m worried about.”

“So what would you rather she call you then?”

“Oh, I dunno…” Carmilla leaned back on the counter and crossed her arms on her chest. “’Mistress’ has a nice ring to it.”

“Ugh! _Seriously_ , Carm?”

Out went a laugh from Carmilla as she pushed herself off of the counter and reached out for Laura’s hands. “ _Seriously_? Stop worrying. You’re not a bad mother. If those kids’ parents start saying otherwise, I’ll just have to break a few necks is all.”

“You are going to do no such thing. This isn’t Silas, Carm. And we’re not nineteen anymore.” A second of silence passed. Laura’s hands slipped out of Carmilla’s when she realized what she had just said. “Uh, I mean, _I’m_ not nineteen anymore. Anyway, we should still have the talk with her. I’d rather it come from us than her hormonal classmates.”

Carmilla rubbed the back of her neck, still unsure of how to react when Laura mentions the age thing. “Maybe I should leave you two to have the talk. It’s more up the mother-daughter alley. Just tell me how it goes.”

Carmilla left the kitchen before Laura could formulate a reply. She didn’t mean to mention the age thing again. She just often forgot how much time had passed. Sure, she had changed. She had gotten older and would soon leave her twenties. She had a job now and she was paying for rent and her daughter’s schooling. Emma’s 11th birthday was just a few months away and she had, though accidentally, already come into contact with a sex toy and would now need to hear ‘the talk.’  A lot of things had changed. And so had Carmilla, she realized.

Carmilla might still look the same but Laura noticed her efforts to look older by the year – the shift from band tees to blouses and from ripped jeans to casual ones or even slacks on occasion. She hadn’t fully gotten rid of the combat boots and the leather pants, but Laura didn’t mind that last part. These little things were Carmilla’s way of making her feel normal as if they really were growing old together. She smiled at the thought.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A 2-year time jump near the end of the chapter.

Emma strolled into the kitchen with her hair up in a messy bun and was about to make herself a cup of hot cocoa when she found her mother already standing by the counter with her favourite mug. “Hey mom. What’s the occasion?” she greeted as she sat on a stool. “You rarely make me hot cocoa anymore.”

Laura pushed the owl-shaped mug toward her daughter and smiled. “I know. I would if I was always around but that rarely happens so…”

Emma raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to read her mother’s actions. She wasn’t usually this serious. “Is something wrong, mom?”

“Well, we need to have a talk.”

“Oh no. Not about that thing again.” Emma rolled her eyes and slumped forward on the counter top. “I really don’t want to talk about it, mom. My friends already made fun of me earlier because of it. I tried to tell them that’s it’s just for massages like Carm said, but they just laughed at me. So please, _please,_ can we not discuss it again?”

“That’s precisely why we need to discuss it, sweetie. What Carm told you wasn’t really… Well, it wasn’t true. That thing isn’t for massages—Well, I guess it _could_ be but not the normal massage. It’s for massaging _certain_ parts of the body, but when I say ‘massage’ I mean, you know, _massage_. Oh but of course you wouldn’t know what that means. But, you see, the thing with that contraption is that it’s for very private moments that you shouldn’t be concerned about at your age unless, well, unless you do want to spend a private moment with—But that’s not the point—”

“ _Mom_ … please stop. You’re being a dork.” Emma’s face wrinkled up in embarrassment and she really didn’t want to have this conversation anymore.

Laura took a deep breath and gripped the sides of the counter. This was harder than she thought. “Okay, seriously this time. Sweetie, today you found a sex toy in our room.”

“A what—”

Laura held a finger up. “Let me finish or else I’ll just sputter out nonsense again. So… sex. At school, you may have been taught that sex is simply how babies are made.” Emma was about to interrupt again so Laura quickly added to her sentence. “But really, it’s much more than that. When two people are intimate with each other, they engage in acts that make each other feel good. You might not understand the feeling I’m talking about right now but when you’re a bit older you’ll know it when you feel it and it’s totally normal so don’t feel ashamed when you start having them. Now, a sex toy is something that helps stimulate those feelings. They’re not really for kids and that’s why I reacted the way I did when I found out that you and your friends found one in our room. I’m sorry if you were made fun of because of this incident, sweetie. If they continue making fun of you, please tell me. I might have to explain things to them, too, if their parents haven’t already done it.”

Laura took another deep breath as she waited for Emma to reply. She watched as Emma took a long sip out of her mug. “If you have any questions, we can always talk about them, okay?”

Emma nodded as she put her mug down. “I can ask anything?”

“Of course. Whatever you feel will help you understand things.”

“Well… okay. If… if sex is how people make babies, who did you make me with?”

Laura couldn’t say she didn’t see this coming. _There is no way in hell or Hogwarts that I’m going to pull this off._ She considered rescheduling this part of ‘the talk’ but she did say she would answer any question Emma might have so she did as best as she could. “First off, you have to understand that when two people have sex, there are circumstances where they’re not intimate with one another. I can’t explain things in detail to you now, sweetie, but the best I can do is tell you that I wasn’t intimate with the other person when you were made. That’s why he isn’t here. Now, I want you to know that that doesn’t make me love you less and neither does it mean that you’re not normal. It just means that the things between me and that other person were not the ideal circumstances. Does that make sense?”

Emma lowered her gaze to her hot cocoa and spent a few seconds in silence, seemingly deep in thought. “I guess. It’s just… I never really cared about it before but my friends always ask me where my dad is,” she started to say as she traced the rim of her mug with a finger, still not looking at Laura.

“And how do you feel about that question, sweetie?”

Emma shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t really see what’s so different between having a mom and a dad and having you and Carm. Well, you’re both girls but you still do the same things that they do for their kids. You feed me and take me to school and we go out to the mall on Saturdays and we celebrate the holidays and all that other stuff, too. It’s not that different. I wish they could see that.”

Laura was at a loss for words. She rounded the counter and wrapped her arms around Emma, feeling both grateful and proud that she had such an understanding daughter. She didn’t know if this came naturally or if her and Carmilla’s influence had more to do with it but she was happy just the same. “I wish they could see that, too, sweetie. But if they don’t and they start hurting you, they’re not worthy of being your friends anymore.”

Emma nodded before she nuzzled into Laura’s neck and hugged her back tightly. “I love you, mom. And Carm, too.”

Laura let out a chuckle. “I think she would feel better if she heard you say that right about now. She’s been feeling a bit down lately.”

“Hm? How come?”

“Maybe you should go ask her.”

That night seemed just like yesterday, but a couple of years have passed since then and before they knew it, it was almost Emma’s graduation from primary school.

Carmilla was waiting in the car when she thought back to that night. “Carm, I just want you to know that I love you. Please cheer up. Mom told me you’ve been upset lately,” said Emma. She hugged the 10-year-old and thanked her. That same night, she laid in bed with tears in her eyes, desperately wishing that she could be a part of Emma like Laura was and not just a stand-in for a dead father. _But really, what else could I be for her?_

“Heya!”

Emma’s voice and the sound of the car door opening broke her trance. She shook away the tears forming in her eyes and revved up the engine.

“What’s the matter, Carm? You looked all broody when I was walking over here.”

Carmilla cleared her throat. “Monkey, I look like this all the time. Part of my charm, I think.”

Emma let out a laugh as she moved her things to the backseat. “ _So_ …”

Carmilla turned at the next corner. She could see Emma grinning at her from the corner of her eye. “O-kay, what’s that look supposed to mean?”

Emma let out a squeal as she bounced up and down the passenger seat. “I know you guys have an early graduation gift for me! What is it? A laptop? A new phone? Oh wait, wait! Is it a Playstation 4?”

Carmilla grunted. If she was going to spend on a Playstation 4, it would be for herself. “I don’t think I’m allowed to tell you what it is, monkey. Your mom would have a fit.”

“Oh come on! You always do what my mom says? You’re supposed to be the most badass lady I know! You can tell me if you _wanna_ tell me.”

Carmilla couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that. She eased into the brakes as they came to a stop light. “First off, please tell me you did not learn the word ‘badass’ from me.”

“If I said I didn’t, would you spill the beans?”

“Meh… Probably not.”

“Carm!”

“Well, maybe your mom won’t mind you saying it. It’s a common word already. Not really a curse word is it?”

Emma sank into her seat and pouted. “You’re so mean sometimes.”

The light had turned green. Carmilla shifted to drive and stepped on the gas. “You _really_ wanna know?” From the corner of her eye, she saw Emma sit up with eager eyes and a big grin that resembled how Laura looked whenever she heard a Harry Potter reference. “Don’t tell your mom that I told you.”

“I won’t tell her. Cross my heart.”

“And you have to act surprised when she gives it to you, okay?”

“I will, I promise!”

Similar to how she was with Laura, Carmilla barely denied Emma anything. She revealed what the surprise gift was and it made her feel that she had gotten a bit closer to the 12-year-old. And she literally did get closer when Emma tackled her into a hug the moment they got out of the car. “You’re the best, Carm.”

“The most badass lady you know, right?” Carmilla said with a laugh.

“Definitely,” Emma answered as she pulled away from the hug. “I know I have mom and all but after everything, I wish we were related, too. Then I’d have the best moms ever.” She beamed at Carmilla, gave her another quick hug then went inside.

Carmilla stayed by the car for a few more minutes as she let Emma’s words sink in. _If we were related…_ When she thought about it, they were technically bound by blood. She and Will had their maker’s blood and Will was part of Emma. She heaved out a sigh. Will would _always_ be part of Emma, she realized. She locked the car then dragged her feet toward the front door. She let herself drop on the couch the moment she saw it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel very insecure about Laura and Emma's talk. I have no idea how to talk to kids about sex. Haha. So I apologize if 'the talk' was awful.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big change.

It was past dinnertime when Laura woke her up. She felt a splitting headache coming on the moment she sat up and when she groaned, Laura pulled her head down onto her lap and ran fingers through her hair.

“Hey you,” she whispered to the air above her as she met Laura’s eyes.

“Hey yourself,” Laura replied with a slight smile. She looked different but still oddly the same nineteen-year-old girl Carmilla met at the Silas dorm room. “What’d you do today? You were knocked out when I got home. You wouldn’t even budge.”

“I was just catching up on my twelve hours of sleep, cutie. You know, cat hours and all.”

“It’s been a while since I saw Carm the kitty cat.”

Carmilla stretched, purposely letting Laura hear her purr. “I’d like to think I’m more of a panther than a kitty cat. Wouldn’t you say?” She added a smirk. It seemed so long ago since they talked like this.

“Potayto, potahto,” Laura said with a shrug. She applied a bit more pressure on Carmilla’s scalp with the tips of her fingers, meriting a satisfied moan. “Uh, do you need to feed? You seem really tired.”

Carmilla didn’t answer right away. She remembered what she had been thinking about earlier that day before she went inside the house – about Will and blood and Emma. She shook the thoughts away, feeling guilty that she was thinking of such things while Laura was with her. She sat up and stretched her neck before turning to Laura. “I have a confession to make.”

Laura’s eyes widened at Carmilla’s words, admittedly a bit panicked. “Is it the good kind of confession or do I have to really brace myself for it?”

Carmilla pursed her lips in thought. “Well… you’re not gonna like it.”

“Oh gods… Just spit it out, please?”

“I sort of told Emma about the gift.”

Laura released the breath she was holding, a look of relief washing over her features. “Sheesh. I thought it was something serious! Well, it _is_ sort of serious, but not the kind of _serious_ I was thinking.”

Carmilla chuckled before she pressed a kiss to Laura’s cheek. “And what kind of serious were you thinking, cupcake?”

“Oh you know, maybe the _cheating_ variety. Or… killing?”

“I see.”

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way, Carm. I just worry sometimes.” Laura brought a hand up to Carmilla’s cheek and started stroking it with her thumb. “I know you have your needs and you know you can always tell me if you need it from me, right?”

Carmilla leaned into Laura’s touch and nodded. “I know. I just wish you’d trust me more. All these years I’ve only fed from you and only you. Other than the blood bags, I mean. But never from another person directly.”

Laura smiled in understanding before she pressed her lips to Carmilla’s. Carmilla kissed her back and she told herself that everything was going to be okay. She broke the kiss with a laugh and tucked Carmilla’s dark locks behind her ears. “We should get ready for bed soon. I’m pretty tired.”

Laura led the way upstairs with Carmilla’s hand in hers and they passed by Emma’s room first. They leaned against the open door and watched the 12-year-old sleeping soundly under her fluffy comforter with an arm over her favorite cat plushie.

“Do you think we should leave her gift here tonight so she’ll see it when she wakes up tomorrow?” Laura whispered to Carmilla.

“I think that’ll be okay. I’ll get it. Go on to bed. I know you’re exhausted. I’ll be there soon.”

Laura thanked Carmilla with a kiss on the cheek before leaving for their bedroom. When Carmilla returned to Emma’s room, she was carrying a black cage with a small rug inside and two bowls with food and water. Right in the middle of the rug was a white kitten with a black stripe running down its back, sleeping as soundly as Emma was. Carmilla left the cage by the foot of the bed before leaning over Emma’s bedside to give her a kiss on the forehead.

“I wish we were related, too, little monkey,” Carmilla muttered under her breath. Emma didn’t stir. Carmilla stared at the 12-year-old and saw more of Laura in her features now compared to when she was a baby and all she had of Laura’s were her eyes and her hair. Now, at this moment, there was almost no trace of Will. _Almost._

Whether it was her hunger or her insecurity or her hatred for Will, it didn’t matter now. She had bitten into the sleeping 12-year-old’s neck. She heard Emma try to cry out but it quickly dwindled into pleading whispers. She held tightly onto Emma’s shoulders as she drew large servings of blood into her mouth, the muscles of her lips creating a vacuum around the open wound.

Emma tasted like Laura. And only one drop before the end did she taste different – she tasted like death.

Carmilla bit hard and deep into her wrist twice to open a large wound before pressing it to Emma’s mouth, urging her to take as much as needed. She clenched her fist as hard as she could until her blood seemed to be spurting out of her and into Emma’s mouth. She felt dizzy. She squeezed her eyes shut, tears now flowing down her face as she tried not to remember how Emma must be feeling at this moment. She was fed on centuries ago just like this – trusting and unsuspecting and _young_. She felt the anger toward herself rise from the pit of her stomach. _She’s only twelve, she’s only twelve,_ went her own voice inside her head. But at this moment, now that it was too late to turn back, there was nothing left to do but wish that it would be over soon. Because after it’s over, Emma would not only be Laura’s. Emma would also, _finally_ , be hers.

“Then you’ll have the best moms ever, monkey.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With regard to how vampires are made in this fic, I didn't follow most lores. I just stuck to the plain "vampires can turn you once they drain enough of your blood before you actually die and replace it with their own."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

Laura sat quietly on the kitchen floor, her eyes glazing over the scene before her.

The blood bags lay askew around her, empty and ripped apart. Carmilla stood over her with tear-stained cheeks and her mouth covered in blood.

Carmilla’s words earlier that night ran in a loop in her thoughts.

_I just wish you’d trust me more._

_I’ve only fed from you and only you._

_Never from another person directly._

“Never?” Laura mumbled to herself. She almost laughed. She lifted her head and turned toward her daughter who was sitting next to her, pale as the full moon and hungrier than she had ever seen. She could barely feel her arm now but Emma held it up by the wrist where she had sunk her fangs in, now sucking on the open wound.

She never thought she’d ask herself this question again but here the three of them were in the kitchen, bound by blood and death and all Laura had the strength to think of is: _How did this happen?_

No one offered her any answers and it felt like she had been here for hours, offering her blood to her daughter. She was starting to lose consciousness. She just wanted to sleep. She just wanted all of this to stop. And for the first time in her life, she just wanted to die.

But out of the blur came Carmilla’s voice and what little light Laura had left inside her grew into a bit of hope that everything would be okay just like it always had been for them. “Monkey, that’s enough! You’ve taken enough…”

The last thing Laura remembered seeing was Carmilla pulling Emma away by the shoulders and Emma’s dishevelled brown hair that covered her soulless eyes as she released her mother’s arm and licked the blood off of her fingers.

That was weeks ago.

Now Laura laid half-awake in bed, barely remembering what happened to her. Carmilla was at her side, silent and cold like death itself. She tried to lift her arm but it didn’t respond. She could only move her eyes so they’d meet Carmilla’s.

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Carmilla said. Laura tried to make sense of what that meant but thoughts only came to her in fragments. “Laura, _please_. It’ll be quick. I can’t stand seeing you like this anymore. Just let me help you.”

Slowly, things started coming back to Laura. She had a daughter but her daughter had changed. Her daughter needed to feed and she offered herself up. She let her daughter feed on her and only her. Never on another person. She grew weak but she insisted that it should only be her. She missed consecutive days at work and only forced herself out of bed when Emma’s graduation day came around. And even then, all she had strength for was to watch her daughter march up the stage and accept the diploma. They went straight home right after.

“I trusted you,” went her voice. She barely recognized it as her own. It was so weak. “You said I should trust you more but you did this to her. And _now_ you want to do it to _me_? Again? You are unbelievable.”

Carmilla reached out for Laura’s hand and held it between hers. “Laura, I’m sorry. I just wanted to be connected to her, but you know she’s not mine. She’s yours and Will’s and I can’t stand it! I just… I just thought that this way she’d be ours. That’s all I ever wanted.”

Laura heard the words but none of them made sense to her. They were happy before all of this happened, weren’t they? They were a family. Or maybe that’s just what she thought. She didn’t know how Carmilla was feeling. Carmilla rarely said what she truly felt. But that still didn’t mean she had the right to screw everyone over.

“Laura, if you won’t take any of my blood then please just let me turn you.” Carmilla had been pleading for days now and she was no longer sure if she was doing this for Laura or for herself. Maybe it didn’t matter. She knew Laura would never say yes.

“If you want to do it so badly, just do it! If you want to turn me, why don’t you just do it? Why are you still asking for my permission? You didn’t ask for Emma’s so why are you asking for mine?!” Laura put every ounce of energy she had left into the reply and she immediately broke into coughs. Carmilla tried to soothe her but she turned away. _This isn’t supposed to be happening. Why is this happening?_

“I made the mistake of not asking for permission and I’m living with the consequences now. That’s why I keep asking you. Please—”

“I’m living with the consequences, too. I’m tired, Carmilla.”

The door creaked open before either of them could exchange another word. Emma took a few steps forward, waiting for someone to say something and when no one did she headed straight for Laura—

“No!” Carmilla quickly grabbed Emma by the neck and pinned her to the wall by the bed. Emma struggled and pleaded, the hunger burning in her eyes. Carmilla hated doing this. She hated having to hurt Emma to protect Laura, but what she hated more was that her wanting to protect Laura was hurting everyone. She had no more options at this point. “If you’re not going to let me turn you, you can’t keep letting her feed from you,” she told Laura. “If you do, you’ll die. I won’t allow that to happen, Laura!”

Laura shook her head slightly, her eyes fixated on her struggling daughter.

“Mommy…” went a muffled cry from Emma. Carmilla loosened her grip on her neck but held her tightly by the arms behind her back. “Mommy, I’m hungry. I’m _so_ hungry…”

“I won’t let her feed on you anymore,” Carmilla told Laura, her voice shaking in her throat. “You’ll have to let me teach her how to feed on someone else. Blood bags won’t cut it, either. You know that.”

Laura willed herself to move but she knew she still hadn’t recovered from Emma’s feeding sessions. The girl had no control. If she were to feed on someone else with no control—

Laura could only cry at the thought of her daughter taking someone else’s life.

“Mommy, please…”

“I asked nicely, Laura,” Carmilla said in a louder voice to drown out Emma’s pleas. She backed away from the bed slowly, dragging Emma with her toward the door. “I’m sorry that I have to do this but you have to let us go. I’ll take care of her, I promise.”

A weak gasp escaped Laura. She blinked and they were gone.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A much-needed visit from LaFerry.

Laura didn’t know how long she had been unconscious after Carmilla took Emma away but when she woke up, LaFontaine’s face came to view. She blinked a few more times to refocus.

“Hey frosh,” LaFontaine greeted. Laura just smiled at them. Slowly, they placed a hand on Laura’s back to help her sit up.

“LaF… what are you doing here?” went a weak reply from Laura.

“We got here as soon as we could. Carmilla called me from your phone and said you needed someone to take care of you for a few days. I asked her what happened but the line went dead on me fast. So… what happened?”

Laura let out a few coughs. She reached out for the glass on the bedside table and gulped the water down before answering LaFontaine’s question. She didn’t know where to start but she was tired and over-thinking this wouldn’t help her much anyway. “A few weeks ago, Carmilla turned Emma.”

“Turned? As in… into a _vampire_?” LaFontaine’s brows met in what looked like partial worry and partial curiosity. They stared at Laura and held this expression, all the while thinking that Laura’s daughter had become a biological wonder. But they didn’t need to tell Laura that.

“Yes. My daughter is a vampire.” Laura let out a quick breath as if steadying herself. “This is the first time I’ve said that out loud.”

LaFontaine gave Laura’s shoulder a squeeze to offer a bit of comfort. “I won’t ask any more questions until you feel that you’re ready to tell me, okay? For now, we really need to get you some nutrients. I hope you don’t mind but I already checked your vitals when we got here.”

“We?”

“Yeah. Perry’s downstairs cleaning up. This place is a dump. Uh, no offense.”

Laura actually felt a laugh coming on and she let it escape her. “I missed you guys.”

“It’s been a _really_ long while. You guys just went off the grid. Oh, but we did get the birthday cards and the Christmas socks. So thanks for those.”

“And we got Perry’s cookies, of course. How are you two?”

LaFontaine casually scratched their cheek, diverting their eyes with a slight smile. “We’re okay. We’ve been living together for a while now.” A blush threatened to creep up their cheeks but then they remembered that they were here for Laura’s health and not to play catch-up. “I’ll go get you some food, okay? And I have some medicine in the car.”

Laura let LaFontaine go, though with a bit of hesitation. She dreaded being alone. Being alone meant she had to listen to her thoughts and all of them were about Carmilla and Emma. _Where are they now? When are they coming back? Are they safe?_ She knew she was still mad at Carmilla and that she was still scared of Emma, but she had to know the answers to these questions. She pulled herself to the edge of the bed and tried to stand up. She could barely feel her legs. The first time that she felt this weak, Carmilla had suggested that they go to a hospital, but she refused. They would ask questions and what was she supposed to say?

“My daughter is a vampire…”

The words lingered in the air and they seemed to bounce from wall to wall in an echo that surrounded her. She needed to face this fact and she needed to accept her daughter for what she had become. But that was easier said than done if her current state was any indication. She was tired and scared and very lost. She felt like nineteen-year-old Laura again, back in Silas and facing enemies she didn’t even know existed until they were in her face and threatening to sacrifice her to an angler fish god. She heaved out a sigh.

“Laura, you shouldn’t be standing up just yet.”

Perry appeared by the door with a tray of food. Laura slumped back into bed when she started to approach.

“LaFontaine is just checking the medicine dosages. This would be easier if we were at a hospital but it seems you’ve been avoiding those. I’m worried, Laura. Whatever caused you to be this sick obviously isn’t normal. Is it Carmilla? Has she done something to you?”

Laura shook her head in response. She stared at the soup Perry brought her and the plate of cookies. She smiled at the sight. Perry was now sitting at her bedside, still waiting for a reaction from her. She ate a cookie before responding. “This is really good, Perr. As per usual.”

“Thank you, Laura. But that doesn’t answer my question. If she did something to you, we are going to have to take action!”

“It wasn’t her, Perr. I mean, she did have something to do with it but this is my fault, too. I did this to myself.”

“Oh, honey.” Perry took the tray and set it aside on the bedside table before she pulled Laura into an embrace and stroked the back of her head. For the first time in weeks, Laura felt that it was normal to want to cry. For once, she didn’t have to be strong in front of Emma and she didn’t have to keep believing that everything would be alright in front of Carmilla because right now, nothing was okay and she didn’t know if she would ever recover. Right now, she could just cry.

Perry held on to Laura until she cried herself to sleep. The poor thing was obviously exhausted. When LaFontaine arrived with the medicine and the list of correct dosages, they understood that Laura could use the extra sleep. They sat beside Perry at the foot of the bed in silence until Perry spoke up.

“I knew it. I knew from the moment Carmilla walked into our lives that she would cause trouble. Laura is sick and Emma is missing. What are we going to do? Should we call Danny and Kirsch? Should we call the police? Or her _dad_?” Perry fidgeted with the edge of her sleeves – a habit LaFontaine knew she had when she was nervous.

“Perr, I think we should just stay put—”

“We _cannot_ just stay put!”

LaFontaine quickly put their hands on Perry’s shoulders and tilted their head toward Laura who was still sleeping. “Calm down, Perr. I know you’re worried. I am, too. But if Laura wanted to do any of those things, she would have done it already. You know how she is. She’s the kind of girl who triggers a town hall meeting every time someone goes missing. If she wanted something, she’d get it done.”

Perry shook her head in disagreement, frustration clearly written on her face. “She _is_ the kind of girl who gets things done. But only when another person is in trouble. Not when it’s herself.” Perry shrugged out of LaFontaine’s hold and stood up to get the food tray. “I’ll heat these up. We should wake her when I get back. She needs some food in her.”

LaFontaine could only nod, admitting that Perry had a point. They waited for Perry in silence while rolling the prescription bottles in their hands. Laura was as silent as a ghost and it came to a point where LaFontaine rushed to her side to check if she was still breathing. She was but it was shallow. Perry appeared by their side not long after.

“Laura, wake up. You really need to eat this time.” Perry shook Laura’s shoulder slightly and merited a groan. “Please, Laura. You need to get better soon.” There was barely a response. Perry gestured toward LaFontaine to help her put Laura into a sitting position then held up the bowl of soup next to Laura’s mouth with a spoon ready.

“Even if she eats and drinks the medicine, I don’t think she’s going to recover fast enough,” LaFontaine told Perry. “We need to replace all the blood she’s lost and in her state, I’d say it could take a few months. The body can only produce so much on its own. She’s going to need more than just one blood transfusion for sure.”

Perry’s eyes widened at what had just been said. She looked at Laura and her deteriorating state and then at LaFontaine again. “ _Blood_? Are you saying that Carmilla did this? So I was right! That good for nothing—”

“It wasn’t her Perr.”

Perry was interrupted by that statement from Laura followed by a fit of coughs. She stroked Laura’s back in response. “What do you mean? She’s the only one who could’ve—No. You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are you? The only other person here… Was it Emma? Did Emma do this?”

Laura nodded. “I didn’t want her to feed on anyone else. She can’t control it yet. I was scared she would end up killing someone.”

“But how—Is it because of Will? Did he pass something on to her?”

Laura let out a little laugh, which they all knew was out of place. “That’s the funny part, really. It wasn’t because of Will. It was because of Carmilla.”

“Hey, L… you should eat first. We’ll be here for a while so the story can wait,” said LaFontaine. Laura was being less and less herself by the second. They would need to get her to a hospital soon but taking her by force wasn’t going to work. Besides, it looked as if she had been pushed around enough.

Once they got Laura to finish the soup and some fruits, she looked a bit better. She asked about Danny and Kirsch and said it was a good thing they weren’t here to see her like this. Knowing them, they would have done everything to keep her safe but it would surely include hunting Carmilla and Emma down. She wasn’t sure if she wanted that right now.

“You need to drink these, too.” LaFontaine handed the supplements over with a glass of water. “You’ll have to take them for the next few days to help keep your resistance up. But you have to know that these won’t help you much without proper treatment.”

Laura drank the pills with the water one by one. They left a bitter taste at the end of her tongue. “You mean I have to go to the hospital, don’t you?” she asked LaFontaine.

“Yes. You lost a lot of blood. And I mean, _a lot_.”

“So I’ve been told.” Laura’s shoulders fell, now having been reminded of Carmilla and how she worried just like LaFontaine and Perry were doing now. “I’m amazed that I’m still alive.”

“Well, even if you did get drained, Carmilla would still have thought of turning—”

Perry nudged LaFontaine hard and it took LaFontaine a second to realize what they had just said.

“Turning me?” Laura filled in. “She did try.”

Perry and LaFontaine still looked like they were having a conversation with just their eyes until LaFontaine turned their attention back to Laura. “L, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

“LaF, you can’t be serious!”

Perry stepped in quick because Laura looked like she was about to throw a punch and hurt herself in the process. “I think what LaFontaine is trying to say is, let’s face it, the two people you love most aren’t the same – species – as you anymore. And I know you still want to be with them but as you are now, it isn’t safe. The only way to be safe around them is… to _be_ _like them_.”

Everything Perry and LaFontaine said made sense. Why was she so against this?

_Maybe it’s because I’m scared enough. I don’t want to be scared of myself, too._

“I know it’s easier said than done but we’re just worried about you.”

Laura leaned back on the bed’s headboard and sighed. She hadn’t thought of having to debate with herself on whether to do this or not. As far back as she can remember, and even on that morning when Carmilla had tried to turn her, it had always been a resounding ‘no.’ “I appreciate it guys but just thinking about it scares me. What happens to people after they turn… I just can’t wrap my head around it.”

LaFontaine and Perry exchanged glances, reminding each other that they shouldn’t push Laura too hard. “But why would you be scared?” Perry asked, hoping Laura wouldn’t take it the wrong way. “You weren’t scared of Carmilla. What makes her so different?”

Laura thought about that for a second and she broke into a small smile. It wasn’t that hard a question. “It’s because I love her,” she said while twiddling her thumbs like a teenager with a crush. Sometimes, she still did feel that way about Carmilla. “I love her,” she said again as if confessing it to her friends and herself for the first time. “That should be all it takes to keep us together and make this work. I don’t want to be bound to her because of blood and eternal life. I just want to love and be in love with her.”

It was a childish answer, she knew. But this was her truth and she would carry it to her grave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to my sister (she's in med school) and my dad for the info on blood cell regeneration. Makes me wish I took up medicine, too. Heh. Not.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The basics of vampirism.

She had been sitting in the dark for hours. The tears had dried on her cheeks and the ones in her eyes no longer threatened to fall. Her mouth had gone dry and her tongue felt like gravel against her teeth. And the only other feeling she could make sense of was her craving for food.

She thought of the cookies she knew she loved but her body outright rejected her once-unparalleled craving for them. She thought of hot cocoa and marshmallows but she could no longer associate taste with them. She still remembered what they look like – the marshmallows white as Christmas snow and cocoa as dark as this never-ending nightmare.

White and black just like Oreo.

The three-month-old kitten opened its eyes the moment she peered into its cage at the foot of her bed. A soft meow escaped it, its tone almost like a question. _“Who are you?”_ it seemed to say. She smiled at it and slid the cage latch open to reach it and stroke its back. It arched its back into her touch and she noticed the black stripe that ran all the way down from its white back to the tip of its tail. She immediately thought of Oreos and how she wished they were made of more white filling and less of the black cookies. Those would be more delicious, she thought. Just like how she saw and smelled Oreo right now. Her hunger rose from the depths of her stomach so fast she didn’t have time to swallow the saliva that had accumulated in her mouth as she craved this creature in her grip. Oreo looked delicious. She pulled it out of the cage by its head and bit into the soft tissue of its belly. It screeched in agony and the sound only made her hungrier. Oreo definitely tasted different from anything else she had eaten. She couldn’t compare the taste to anything, only that it was something she couldn’t get enough of. And once she was done and Oreo was long gone, she followed the sweet scent coming from down the hall – the one that led to something much more delicious and much more familiar.

But Carmilla grabbed her arm and pulled her back from the door, reminding her for a split-second that she was about to enter their _private_ bedroom. Oh but how she craved to taste what was beyond the door.

“It’s time.”

The sound of Carmilla’s voice brought her back to the dark alley she had been sitting in for hours. Saliva was already dripping down the side of her mouth, obviously a reaction to her memories of Oreo and her mother. She stood up and Carmilla grabbed her hand to steady her. “Can I eat now?” was all she could say. It was all she could think of.

“Only if you follow everything I say, exactly as I say it.”

Carmilla was different. She was so serious and strict. The Carmilla she knew let her do almost anything she wanted. She liked that version better.

Carmilla told her to put her hair up quickly and she did. She pulled out the hair tie from her jeans pocket, gathered her long brown hair in a bun and tied it in place like her mother taught her. As soon as she was done, her wrist was in Carmilla’s hold once again. She thought of trying to escape Carmilla’s grip so she could run toward wherever it was that those scents were coming from. She had been taking in the scents the entire time that Carmilla kept her in the dark and she imagined that they would taste as delicious as they smelled. But Carmilla had an iron grip and for reasons she couldn’t explain, she was scared to disobey. It was as if it was in her soul to fear this woman.

“Stay close and don’t look anyone in the eye,” went another one of Carmilla’s instructions. She followed because she had no choice.

Past the alleyway was a house at the end of the street, just like theirs but this one had a large tree growing up front. She didn’t know whose house it was or where they were but she knew she was far from home. She took in a lungful of breath and found that the scents she had been taking in were not coming from the house they were approaching. In fact, the closer they got to the front door the farther the scents got.

“Keep your head down and don’t say anything.”

She nodded, now feeling too weak to argue with Carmilla. She kept her eyes on her shoes and Carmilla started knocking on the door. She could hear shuffling steps from inside and with it came the scent of food. She swallowed a mouthful of saliva.

The door opened slightly. She wanted to look up to see who answered but Carmilla’s grip remained tight around her wrist. All she could do was bite down hard on her lower teeth and squeeze her eyes shut to distract herself from her hunger.

“Can I help you?” said the stranger. It was a man. He didn’t sound too old. He sounded like someone in their thirties, maybe someone like her history professor.

“Good evening, sir,” replied Carmilla in a voice that was both soothing and tight, as if she were humming a lullaby through gritted teeth. “We seem to have gotten lost, my daughter and I. Would you be so kind as to let us in?”

She sucked in a breath, scared of how Carmilla sounded like a different person, like a third version of herself. This one was neither lenient nor strict. This was an odd mixture of inviting and controlling. She likened it to how she felt whenever Carmilla instructed her to do something – she could never refuse and if she did try, she felt her insides twist and tighten as if she were dying.

“Of course, of course,” said the man. The door opened wider and Carmilla led her inside. The grip around her wrist slackened but she still wasn’t allowed to look up.

“You have a nice home,” Carmilla told the man as she perused the living room. “Is your wife around by any chance?”

“Oh yes. She’s upstairs. She’s had a tiring day, I’m afraid.”

She swore she heard Carmilla purr in satisfaction, but she paid it no mind. She probably wouldn’t be allowed to.

“Take us to her. I’m sure there’s something we can do to help.”

“Yes. Right this way.”

She didn’t know who the man was but she could tell he wasn’t being himself. Whatever Carmilla was doing, it was scaring her but at the same time, she wondered what it would feel like to do it, too – to be like Carmilla.

Carmilla took hold of her wrist again and they followed the man upstairs. She could pick up another scent but it was faint. Even after they entered the room where it was coming from, the scent was weak. She sensed a woman in the room, lying down on the bed.

“Honey, we have visitors,” the man told his wife as he approached.

“Visitors? Who the hell—”

“Good evening,” Carmilla cut her off the moment their eyes met. “We’re just passing by.”

“Oh. Passing by. Of course.”

The woman’s tone turned mellow in reaction to Carmilla's voice. Now she was as welcoming as her husband.

“Please sit,” Carmilla told the couple and they obeyed. They sat shoulder to shoulder on the bed. Carmilla turned to her next and she finally looked up. “I will let you eat but you have to show me that I can trust you to be obedient.”

She didn’t know what that meant but Carmilla no longer held her by the wrist. She glanced at the couple on the bed and they stared right at her, their expressions slack. She was about to lunge at the man when Carmilla stepped in front of her, quicker than light. “The woman first,” she said.

“But he smells yummier,” she reasoned.

“I’ll let you have both of them but take her first.”

She scowled at Carmilla, this being one of the few times that she actually felt anger toward her. Then again, she had been feeling this way toward Carmilla for weeks now but something always reset her emotions to one of fondness. She set this thought aside and approached the woman who was as still as a statue but warm and breathing. She climbed onto her lap, grabbed at her hair and bit into the exposed skin of her neck.

Finally, she could sate her hunger.

She pulled her lips together around the wound she made with her fangs and sucked at it. She didn’t mind the hint of bitterness in this one as long as she could feel herself getting full. Hunger was pain and she could barely stand it. She bit hard into the wound once more to make it larger and lapped up the stream that sputtered out. She gulped it down, serving after serving. She couldn’t stop.

But she had to once Carmilla said so.

“Listen to her pulse,” Carmilla told her. “It’s getting weak. Whenever that happens, you _will_ stop.”

She breathed hard against the woman’s neck, clutching her shoulders for support and out of frustration. “What if I don’t want to stop?! I’m hungry! Just let me finish!”

“You _will_ _stop_ when I tell you to stop!”

She shuddered at the sound of Carmilla’s raised voice. And so she stopped as instructed. She left the woman’s lap and returned to Carmilla’s side. She eyed the man next, her craving burning her insides like the surface of the sun. She looked up at Carmilla, seeking permission to approach.

“Go ahead but remember what I said. You will stop when you hear the beating slow down.”

She barely heard the reminder when she flitted toward the man. She grabbed him by the shoulders then dragged him down to the floor, she herself falling to her knees in craving. She lost no time in biting into his neck where she heard the strong throbbing. This one tasted a bit bitter too but not as much the first. This one oddly reminded her of the flavour she used to associate with hot cocoa, only sharper. The beating was still strong and it rang in her ears so she continued, treating each gulp as the first so there would always be a second and a third and more.

“You’re not listening to it,” went Carmilla’s voice from above her. She shook it away as she dug her nails deeper into the man’s head and she held it steady against her mouth. “Listen!” But she didn’t. She was hungry. All her life she had never gone hungry for this long. She didn’t always get the food she wanted but there was always enough food for her. Her mother made sure of that and Carmilla, too. But now, why was everyone telling her to stop and to listen to the beating? Why couldn’t she just eat until she no longer felt hungry?

“If you don’t stop, he’ll die.”

She heard it, but she didn’t care. _She_ was the one who felt like she was dying. If she stopped now, Carmilla would take her away again and she would have to wait endless hours before she could satisfy this craving only to be allowed little sips and never a full gulp.

“Emma!”

She felt the man convulse in her grip and he no longer tasted as full as when she bit him. She pulled away slightly, stuck out her tongue and ran it along the wound. _But I’m still hungry._ The thought was enough to convince her to keep going.

She heard a growl escape Carmilla. It sounded like a threat. “After you kill him, there’s no going back. You’ll never forget your first kill.” She slowed down upon hearing the word ‘kill,’ suddenly scared of what it meant. She didn’t know until Carmilla continued. “I know I haven’t.”

It would mean being like Carmilla.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there was mention of glamouring in the webseries so I just took the premise from True Blood. Also, I just remembered that Natasha likes that show. Hehe.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long way from home and missing Laura.

Emma pulled her knees to her chest, her clothes drenched in sweat and blood. She had kept silent in a corner as Carmilla instructed while Carmilla cleaned up her mess. She watched as she pressed a bloody finger onto their wounds before she ripped their bloody clothes off and put them in fresh ones in a blur of movement. Then she changed the sheets.

Everything that she had dirtied piled up by her feet after Carmilla tossed them aside. Suddenly, she wasn’t too hungry anymore. Carmilla’s words echoed in her thoughts: _“You’ll never forget your first kill.”_ She looked at the couple who were sitting on their bed, staring at nothing through half-lidded eyes. Whatever trance they were in, somewhere in there she realized that they were still people – people like her classmates and her teachers, her friends and their parents… people like _her mother_. She felt a sharp pain in her chest at the thought of her mother. _Was I doing this to her, too? Did I almost kill her?_ She thought back to all the times she was allowed to feed on her mother and even before that when she preyed on Oreo. _Did it count? Wasn’t Oreo my first kill?_ She thought about it but barely felt anything. The kitten had meant nothing to her. Then again, neither did these people. She didn’t even know them. _What’s so different then?_

“Come here.”

Emma stood up and wiped her hands on her jeans. Not that it helped. She was still covered in blood. She placed herself at Carmilla’s side and in front of the couple. She felt Carmilla’s hand on her back, a familiar warmth that she remembered from a time that seemed so long ago.

“I’m going to teach you how to glamour,” Carmilla told her, sounding more like a professor than anything else. “Eye contact is key. Once you meet their gaze, you’re in control.”

Emma lifted her eyes and met the woman’s first. She didn’t feel any different, just a bit awkward. “What now, Carm?”

Carmilla seemed surprised at the mention of the nickname. Emma also realized that she hadn’t called Carmilla that in weeks. They barely did talk.

“You hold that gaze and you say whatever you want them to do.”

Carmilla said it as if it was the simplest thing in the world. It sounded like bullshit. _I bet mom would flip if she knew I knew this word._ “So that’s it? If I tell her to jump on the bed—”

And so the woman did, much to Emma’s surprise.

“Woah…”

Carmilla let out a small chuckle. “ _Smooth_ , baby fangs, _smooth_.”

“Stop,” Emma commanded. The woman froze. She broke eye contact and turned to Carmilla. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn’t know what she wanted the woman to do at this point. “What am I supposed to make her do?”

A smirk appeared on Carmilla’s face, obviously delighted to be back in control of her progeny. “Ask her to forget.”

“Everything?”

“ _Everything._ ”

_Of course I should make them forget. I wouldn’t want them to ever remember me and what I did._

Emma let out a shaky breath before re-establishing eye contact with the woman. “You are going to forget that we were ever here. You will not remember anything we did and said. You will not remember what we look like.” The woman’s eyes turned glassy as if everything she had seen was being washed away from the surface. Emma turned to the man and commanded him to do the same thing. He responded the same way though a bit weakly, probably due to his almost being drained. Not content with how she was going to leave them, Emma held their gazes at the same time and commanded them to keep looking into her eyes. “Once we leave, you will look at each other and say good night. Then you’ll hold each other in bed until you fall into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.”

Emma flitted out of the house, carrying the bloody clothes and sheets, and Carmilla followed without a word.

They stopped at the same empty alleyway. Emma almost stumbled forward when she stopped before hitting a dumpster, still not used to moving so fast in open space. She rarely found the need to speed through their house – not that she _could_. She barely had enough strength to do so back then. All she remembered was being too hungry to do much.

“Take your clothes off and give them to me with the rest,” she heard Carmilla say from behind her. Again, she felt an impulse to just do what she was told but she managed to sneak a question in as she faced forward. “Why?”

“Just do it. Keep the underwear. Now.”

She met Carmilla’s unflinching eyes and started to strip – her hoodie first and an undershirt then her jeans after she took her sneakers off. She tossed them toward Carmilla together with the couples’ clothes and sheets then took a quick step back when the pile suddenly caught on fire out of nowhere. She looked to Carmilla for answers but was surprised to see a backpack coming at her. She caught in and opened it, revealing a change of clothes.

“Did you have this all along?” she asked Carmilla who was still watching the evidence burn.

Carmilla shrugged, her eyes focused on the flame as if controlling it. “Does it matter? Get dressed before someone sees. We’re leaving in a while.”

Emma had put her speed to use, now dressed in a fresh sweatshirt and jeans. She noticed that these were from her closet and wondered when Carmilla had the chance to pack. Then again, they _could_ move in a flash. “Leaving for where?” she asked.

"Every place where no one knows us. You have a lot to learn, monkey." Carmilla started stomping out the flame, leaving only ashes underneath her boot. She looked up at Emma with a slight smile.

And with that, for the first time in a long while, Emma saw the Carmilla she knew best. She hoped that this version would stay and she had good reason to believe it would when Carmilla held out her pinky for her to take. Then they flitted north.

A few days turned into a week then into a month and everywhere became anywhere. They had been everyone or anyone and were only themselves when they were alone with each other. That was the only way to survive, according to Carmilla. Emma didn't really have much choice but to agree. After what felt like donning a hundred disguises, she was still here and well-fed. She was grateful.

But there did come a point when she felt that she had been dragged from Austria to the end of the world and back, torn away from everything that reminded her of who she really was before all this. They were at a dingy motel room in who-knows-what-city-this-is when she finally spoke up: "I miss mom."

Carmilla looked up from an old paperback and then at Emma who was lying next to her. She had forced herself not to think of Laura until she knew Emma—until _both of them_ were ready to go back.

"Do you miss her, Carm?"

Carmilla set the book down by the lamp, leaned her head back on the headboard and sighed. "Like someone cut a hole in me," she replied, almost literally feeling what she had described. She'd might as well been a hollow log.

They spent a few moments in silence – partly because Emma didn't know how to respond and partly because Carmilla was biting back tears, which fell anyway when Emma clung onto her tightly with tears of her own.

"I miss her so much, Carm," Emma said in between sniffles. The last time she had been without her mother was when she was five and that was for less than a week. Even then, Laura still showed up in their living room in the middle of the night and said "I missed you a lot, sweetie." Emma half-expected her to do that right about now. _But how could she? We're in the middle of nowhere._ She looked up at Carmilla, afraid to hear the answer but desperate enough to ask anyway: "Why can't we go back home yet? Is it my fault?"

Carmilla shook her head in response, not even giving a second thought to how she should reply. "It's my fault, monkey. I'm the reason you acted the way you did. I made you this way." She diverted her eyes to the ceiling, unable to keep staring into Emma's eyes without wanting to cry again. She didn't want to be this broken right now.

Emma separated from Carmilla then wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. A loud sigh escaped her. Tears still threatened to fall from her eyes but she steadied her breathing and held them in as she leaned back on the headboard, mimicking Carmilla's position. "But... if you made me this way, can't you change me back?"

A hushed hum came from Carmilla and this time she took her time answering. The answer was far from pleasant. She figured she could delay the blow. A few minutes passed in silence. "I'm afraid I can't do that. I think you know how this works."

Emma hesitantly nodded. She knew what vampires were or at least she knew the horror story version. Vampire could turn other people into vampires. But she couldn't remember ever hearing of a cure. "So this is it? I'll be like this forever?"

"Yeah," was all Carmilla could manage to say. _Forever..._ The word sounded so ominous.

"So... is being a vampire a bad thing?"

Carmilla almost laughed. _Between having to drink blood to survive and being doomed to walk the earth for eternity in constant longing, is there really a good part?_ "I really can't say. Maybe it depends."

"Depends on what?"

Carmilla turned toward Emma, smiled then shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't have met your mom if I wasn't a vampire and that means I wouldn't have met you. I guess it's not all bad."

Emma returned the smile, now feeling a bit comforted that Carmilla still thought of her mother that way. "If it's not all bad, why isn't mommy like us?"

"I think you have to ask her that yourself."

Emma's smile grew then she tackled Carmilla into a hug. "Does that mean we can go home tomorrow? I can ask her then!"

"Woah there monkey." Carmilla adjusted her position in Emma's tight grip, knowing that Emma probably didn't know her own strength. "We can go home if you think you're ready. Remember what we've been doing. You can't go around feeding on whoever you want anymore, okay? You can't tell your friends about this, either. Especially when this summer vacation ends and it's back to school for you. Your life just got a bit more complicated than puberty, little monkey. You understand what I'm saying, right?"

"I'll control myself, I promise. I just really want to see mom. I'm worried that she's forgotten about me and doesn't miss me anymore."

Carmilla let out a chuckle. "Knowing her, I don't think that's possible. She loves you too much."

"She loves _you_ too."

Carmilla didn't know what to say to that. It would be nice if it were still true, but right now she couldn't blame Laura if it wasn't.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion.

They stopped at the house but there was no sign of Laura. Carmilla had to endlessly reassure Emma that everything would be okay and that Laura didn't leave because she hated her daughter. What Carmilla did entertain as a possibility was Laura leaving because of her. But the note from LaFontaine on the bedside table said otherwise.

"Monkey! Let's go! Your mom's at the hospital!"

A gasp escaped Emma before she flitted from her room to the front door where Carmilla was waiting with the car keys.

"Careful when you speed by. You never know who might see you."

"This isn't the time for a lecture, Carm! We have to get to mom!"

"I know, I know. I'm already worried enough about her so don't make me worry twice about you."

Emma just nodded and headed for the car, half-worried and half-excited to see her mother again. Carmilla climbed into the driver's seat and took out LaFontaine's note, which said which hospital they took Laura to and the room number. It wasn't that far away.

Both of them were silent throughout the trip. While Emma couldn't wait to see Laura, Carmilla could only think of the worst-case scenario. _Did she get too sick? Is she even still alive?_ She knew such thoughts weren't ideal while driving and much more so with a 12-year-old in the passenger seat, but she couldn't help it. She had a tendency to blame herself for everything that goes wrong in her life and Laura being sick was definitely on that list. _She wouldn’t take any of my blood. If I had force-fed her some of it then she wouldn’t have gotten so sick in the first place. Goddammit, Laura._ Her grip on the steering wheel tightened and she let out a quick breath.

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked, looking a bit panicked.

“Nothing,” Carmilla replied in an instant. She thought she could make herself believe it if she said it but it didn’t work. She ended up speeding through traffic and then into the first free parking spot she saw at the hospital. Before she knew it, she and Emma were at the hospital’s information desk.

“We’re here for Laura Hollis,” Carmilla said, unconsciously tapping her foot against the floor.

One of the nurses looked up with a clipboard in hand. “It’s been requested that only immediate family members and persons on this list may see Miss Hollis.”

Neither her name nor Emma’s was on the list. She figured that Laura’s distrusting friends were behind it. It was like a slap to the face. But now was not the time to be bitter or insecure. “I’m not an immediate relative but this is her daughter.” Carmilla pointed to Emma. “Please let her through. She’s been really worried.”

The nurse stepped out from behind the desk and asked Emma to follow her. Emma grabbed hold of Carmilla’s hand before doing so. “Don’t mind what she said earlier. She’s actually family,” Emma told the nurse, much to Carmilla’s surprise. She would be lying if she said those words didn’t make her smile even a tiny bit.

Once they reached Laura’s room, they thanked the nurse and asked to be left alone to which the nurse agreed but with a few reminders. “She has another visitor at the moment. Please do try not to crowd around her for too long because she needs her rest. Visiting hours are until 9 in the evening only.”

Emma was about to open the door when she noticed that Carmilla had taken a step back. “You’re not coming in?”

“You go ahead,” Carmilla replied, admittedly still a bit scared to see Laura’s condition and to face her after a month of being M.I.A.

“Is it because of her visitor?”

Carmilla’s ears perked up at the sound of familiar voices from inside the room.

_“I was so worried about you, Laura. Why didn’t you call me sooner?”_

_“Precisely because I knew you would freak out. Come on, I’m okay now. Let’s talk about you for a change. You did drive all the way here and we haven’t seen in each other in years.”_

_“I drove all the way out here to make sure you’re safe. If Perry hadn’t called then I wouldn’t have known anything. Were you really going to keep me in the dark about all this?”_

_“Well… maybe. I just thought now wouldn’t be a good time to reconnect.”_

_“Or you just didn’t want me to see Carmilla. And I don’t see her anywhere so I’m assuming she has something to do with this.”_

Normally, Carmilla would’ve barged right in and choked the life out of Danny, but this time she knew she had no right to take it out on her. She did have something if not everything to do with Laura’s present condition and there was no one else to blame.

“You should get in there, monkey. I’ll wait for you out here.”

Emma had one hand on the door knob but she hesitated to turn it. She turned to Carmilla while chewing on her lip. “I don’t think I can face mom alone. What if she’s mad at me?”

“She’s not mad at you. You’ll be fine.”

“Then why won’t you come in with me? Is it because of what that lady said about you? Do you know her?”

Carmilla heaved out a sigh, recalling what little she knew about Danny Lawrence. “That ‘lady’ changed your diapers before I ever learned how to and that’s all you need to know. Go on before I shove you inside. I know you’re itching to talk to your mom. I’ll be right here, I promise.”

Scared that Carmilla would actually push her into the room, Emma turned the knob and opened the door slightly, just enough to stick her head inside. “Mom?”

That was all Carmilla heard before she stepped out of view then the door closed and she fought the urge to eavesdrop again.

Emma tucked her hands inside her pockets and she lowered her head a bit to have her bangs cover her eyes, wary that her mother and her visitor were looking right at her. She waited for either of them to say something because she seemed to have lost her tongue, but silence reigned for a few minutes more. She lifted her head to focus on her mother and was relieved that she looked okay save for the tube that was sticking out of her arm. She followed the tube to what looked like a clear bag of transparent liquid, hanging above the bed.

“Sweetie?” went Laura’s voice. Emma looked in her direction but didn’t move just yet. “Did you come here alone?”

Emma shook her head.

Laura tried to sit up and Danny was quick to help her. “It’s been a while, huh? I missed you.” As much as she wanted to rush to her daughter’s side and hold her, she tried to keep calm, knowing that her body couldn’t handle much excitement just yet.

Emma finally took a few steps forward until she was at her mother’s bedside. Not knowing what else to do, she threw her arms around her mother’s neck and nuzzled into it, taking in the familiar scent and warmth. “I missed you a lot, mom,” she said in a mumble. She started sobbing a second later, realizing just how much it hurt to be separated from her mother for so long and at the same time knowing she caused all this suffering. Carmilla said it wasn’t her fault but she thought back to her first few weeks as a vampire and saw through the haze of memories that she was holding the woman she had uncontrollably fed on.

Laura had started shedding tears of her own as she stroked her daughter’s back with her free arm. She had been here for weeks, going in and out of consciousness during the blood transfusions and the iron treatments. She often saw her daughter only in dreams and in her thoughts when she was strong enough to be awake. Nothing prepared her for this sudden reunion and suddenly she found it hard to breathe.

“Mom, are you okay?” Emma quickly released Laura to give her some space.

“I should call the nurse,” Danny said, already making a run for the door.

“I’m sorry, mom. Was it something I did?”

Laura broke into a fit of coughs. “No, no. I just got excited. Forgot to breathe.” She let out a little laugh then coughed again. The door opened a second later and in came a nurse with Danny. Laura could barely see but behind them was Carmilla, avoiding eye contact.

That was the last she saw before she succumbed to sleep.

The next time she opened her eyes she saw the white ceiling of her hospital room. She sighed, thinking to herself that she just had another dream where Emma and Carmilla had finally returned. _It’s been a month… Where are they?_ She was about to try to go back to sleep when something to her side shifted. She turned her head slightly and saw a mess of dark locks beside where her arm was resting on the bed. She’d recognize this head of hair anywhere. She smiled.

“Hey, wake up.”

The figure lazily stirred then stretched, bending forward with an arched back like most cats do after a nap. Laura was about to reach out to touch her when she suddenly stepped back as if she almost stepped on a landmine.

“What’s the matter with you?” Laura asked, raising an eyebrow.

Carmilla cleared her throat as she rubbed a hand behind her neck, barely keeping eye contact. “Sorry, I just fell asleep. Emma went out to get some food.”

Laura’s eyes widened at the mention of food. “Wait! Food as in…”

“As in _not_ a person,” Carmilla quickly replied in Emma’s defense. “Xena—I mean, Danny went with her.”

Laura breathed out in relief. “Okay. That’s good. Uh, so… I wasn’t dreaming, huh?”

“Nope. We got here yesterday.”

“I see. So I just blacked out. It’s been happening for a while now.” Laura waited for Carmilla to respond but it looked like that wouldn’t be happening any time soon. “So how are things? You sure took your time.”

Carmilla grabbed the chair she was sitting on prior to waking up and placed it a bit farther from Laura’s bed, thinking it would be best to be at a safe distance. Otherwise, she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep herself from wanting to hold Laura in her weakened state. “I’m sorry I had to keep her away from you for this long. Disciplining her wasn’t easy. She takes from you after all.” She showed a bit of a smile at least.

“I’d like to think she got that from you, Miss Karnstein.” Laura returned the smile then tried to hide a cough. Carmilla was quick to hand her a glass of water from the bedside table. “Thanks. This is kinda all I do nowadays. Sleep, cough, drink.”

Laura tried to joke about it, but Carmilla saw right through her. She wanted to do something but didn’t know exactly what she could offer Laura at the moment. The silence between them grew and so did her frustration with herself. _Goddammit, I’m useless._

Of course it was Laura who spoke up. “So what are we supposed to do now that you guys are back? Go home? Maybe go out of town before summer vacation ends? Oh! We should take Emma camping somewhere in the alps. You know, a little bonding time for the three of us. What do you think?”

 Carmilla recognized this type of talk and Laura was a very bad liar. “Please stop,” she said, feeling her chest tighten at the thought of Laura trying to cover up how she was really feeling. “You don’t have to say all of that in front of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Laura! Do you think I don’t see that you’re not well? Do you think I don’t know what’s really going on here?” Carmilla stood up, no longer able to keep calm. She could feel her body start to tremble at the thought of Laura’s condition. “The doctors filled me in. I know you haven’t been healthy in a long while. So please stop pretending that you’re okay. At least with me, please stop feeling that you have to be your usual happy self. I know I don’t deserve to ask any favors from you right now but this is for you, too. You don’t have to spend so much energy trying to convince me that nothing’s wrong. I know you’re sick and I know it’s because of what I did—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Laura was quick to shed the chipper façade. Carmilla was right. It was tiring to put a face on and pretend she was just fine because she wasn’t. She was far from it. “I don’t want to hear you blaming yourself for whatever happened and I also don’t want to keep blaming myself. So let’s agree to not talk about this, especially in front of Emma. You say you know that I’m sick so you should also know by now that I have to make better use of my time before it’s too late.”

“We both know that there’s one more option—”

“No, Carmilla. The only option is to spend this time wisely.”

The truth hit both of them fast and suddenly there could be no more words between them. No more explanations and no more excuses. _Fuck it_ , Carmilla thought, dismissing all other notions of having to take her time to earn back the trust she knew she broke, and forgetting every plea she was willing to make to change Laura’s mind. She wasn’t going to be with Laura forever. She might as well lose herself to Laura right now in this cold, white hospital room like a month hadn’t passed and there would be no tomorrow.

She muttered Laura’s name twice then thrice to herself, committing it to memory and making up for all the times she was too scared to say it as if doing so would make Laura someone real and someone she could lose. But here they were now, staggering toward the end after Laura had made her decision and there was nothing she could do but kiss Laura to be reminded of what she had missed and then hold her close to know what she would be missing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danny won't make an appearance after this chapter. I didn't write anything about Kirsch appearing, either. I didn't write too much into it but it's implied that after Carmilla and Emma returned, they insisted on taking care of Laura themselves.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family outing and Emma's first day of secondary school.

After a long discussion with Laura’s assigned doctor, and a _bit_ of glamouring courtesy of Emma, Laura was allowed to leave the hospital for the day. Carmilla was still a bit worried especially after their talk in the hospital room, but Laura gave her arm a reassuring squeeze then held her hand before they left through the hospital entrance.

Carmilla assisted Laura into the passenger seat of the car and Emma jumped into the backseat much like how things were before all of this happened.

“First question,” said Laura, raising a finger. “Why in hogwarts is the car parked diagonally over two parking spaces?”

“Oh you know how Carm is, mom. _Best_ driver in town,” answered Emma as she leaned forward in between the two front seats.

“Very funny, baby fangs,” Carmilla scoffed. She looked at Emma via the rear-view mirror with a raised eyebrow. “Next time, _you_ drive. Let’s see how well you do in comparison, huh?”

Laura let out a chuckle then stared at the two. “Okay, okay. Stop it, you teenagers. Or I’ll have to give you two a spankin’!”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Carmilla muttered with a smirk, raising her eyebrows at Laura.

“ _Carm_ …” Laura drawled. “Ix-nay on the ex-say talk.” She spied Emma frowning from the corner of her eye and hoped she didn’t catch on to what Carmilla meant.

“I think I got it,” Emma announced, faking a shudder. “And _gross_.”

“Don’t knock it til you try it,” went the comeback from Carmilla to which Emma just rolled her eyes. “So where are we headed for today’s excursion?” She turned to Laura. “Any requests?”

“Yeah, mom. Where would you like to go? I remember you liking that café that sells cake jars. Wanna go there? I bet the hospital food tastes really awful. It’ll do you good to have some sweets.”

Laura considered it but she ended up suggesting something totally off tangent. “We should probably go somewhere Carm likes,” she said. Carmilla blinked at her, questioning with her eyes why she would say such a thing. She just smiled in response before turning to Emma. “You might not like the places she likes, though. Lots of museums and art galleries and opera houses. Probably anywhere else that people can brood at.” She ended up laughing at what she said, reminded of how she teased Carmilla ‘the philosophy major’ back in Silas.

“Sounds kinda boring,” Emma commented. Carmilla rolled her eyes and groaned in response.

“A _bit_.” Laura admitted but she was quick to give Carmilla another smile to make up for it before turning to Emma again. “But you have to know what Carm likes, too. All you know are my likes and yours. Last time I checked, we’re a family and I’m not your only parent.”

“I guess,” Emma replied, nodding. “Might as well since I’ll be spending forever with her.”

Carmilla hid a sigh, feeling the weight of that one word. _Forever, huh?_ She met Laura’s eyes and tried to mask her sadness even though she knew Laura would see right through her, too. She broke eye contact and turned to Emma. “Do you even know what that means?”

“Yeah,” went the immediately reply. “A _really long_ time.”

No one said anything for a while and what finally broke the silence was the sound of the engine starting. Carmilla pulled out of the parking slot(s) and onto the junction that led to the main highway.

“I hate to break it to you, ladies,” she said, “but the nearest opera house is upstate and we would need more than a day to get there. We can visit a few museums today at most.”

Emma leaned forward between their seats again, facing Carmilla. “You know… we can always _speed along_ , right? Plus, I can totally carry mom now.”

“Monkey, your mom took years of lessons on _bike safety_. You really think she’s gonna let you carry her along the freeway at superhuman speed? I don’t think so.”

Emma leaned back on her seat. “Good point.”

Laura interrupted with another chuckle. “I’m right here, guys. I can hear you.”

The three of them burst into snickers, unaware that they were settling back into their old ways.

In a few hours, they managed to visit the local museum, an art museum and the adjacent history museum. They all started looking the same to Emma but she still found some things to be really interesting. Everything that had to do with mythology definitely got her attention – the architecture of ancient Greece, the paintings and the sculptures all seemed to come to life around her. At some point, Carmilla would say something about a piece and Laura would tease her for being a history nerd then they would pretend to bicker, making Emma wish they would have done this sooner or that they could do this more often. She watched them hold hands as they walked down the galleries and she couldn’t help but feel content and wanting at the same time. Without another thought, she walked up to them and squeezed herself in between before reaching for their hands to create a chain with her in the center. The three of them walked hand-in-hand all the way to the car.

Lunchtime came a little late for them since it took a while to get to a drive-thru. They settled for some burgers even after Laura insisted she would be fine with convenience store cookies. “You need some protein in you,” Carmilla reminded. And so they had that and some grape soda.

It was almost evening when they neared their neighborhood. They stopped over at a more familiar spot and took a seat at the nearest bench from where they parked the car.

“It’s been a while since we came here,” Laura said, looking over at the expanse of green grass before them, which was slowly being swallowed by the darkness of dusk. Only a hint of orange sunlight remained at their feet .

“I miss biking here with you, mom,” Emma said as she nuzzled into Laura’s arm. Laura placed a kiss on the top of her head and nodded.

“Remember when you didn’t want to take the training wheels off, though?”

“Ugh! Mom, that was _ages_ ago,” Emma whined.

Laura laughed out loud. “You’re right. And now you’re all grown up. But like it or not, you’ll always be my baby girl.”

Emma let out another groan. “Mom, you’re embarrassing me…”

“What? From who? It’s just the three of us here,” Laura replied. She threw Carmilla a quick glance and saw a slight smile.

“I dunno.” Emma diverted her eyes to the ground and pressed the front of her sneaker into a mound of dirt. “It’s just embarrassing to hear you say stuff like that now.”

“Oh, so you’ve been gone a month and you’re embarrassed by your mom now, huh?”

Emma didn’t respond right away, having remembered that it really had been that long and why she had to go away in the first place. Suddenly filled with dread, she wrapped Laura in a hug, not wanting to miss her that much ever again. “I don’t want to be gone for that long again, mom. I’ll behave this time. Just don’t hate me. _Please_ don’t hate me.”

Laura rested her chin atop Emma’s head and stroked her back, slightly alarmed that her daughter had such thoughts. “I don’t hate you. Please don’t ever think that.”

Emma nodded even though she knew part of her would always keep blaming herself. “Then please don’t ever leave me,” she said instead, now holding on tighter to Laura as if it would be the last time.

Laura hummed hushed tones into Emma’s ear like she used to do when Emma wouldn’t stop crying as a baby. “I’m right here, sweetie.” She lifted her eyes to meet Carmilla’s and gestured for her to come closer. Carmilla nodded, scooted on over then hugged Emma from behind, putting her in the center once more. “Carm and I are right here. You’re not alone, okay? You won’t ever have to be,” Laura assured.

They stayed like that for a while until evening really did arrive and Laura said it was getting late.

“Can’t you go home with us yet?” Emma asked before they got into the car.

Laura’s shoulders fell but she kept a smile in place. “I’d love to, sweetie. But I need to stay there for a while longer. If I do, I’ll get better soon.”

Emma was about to protest, but something told her that Laura wasn’t lying. That something being Laura’s weakened pulse, which she had been listening to all day, and the weakly concealed coughs. She didn’t have it in her to push the issue so she nodded in agreement and got into the backseat.

The drive to the hospital was uneventful. Laura fell asleep while Carmilla and Emma kept to themselves, each of them contemplating how things would be from now on. Once they arrived, Carmilla insisted that Emma stay in the car. When Emma argued, Carmilla reminded her that she had often been using her vampire skills impulsively. “You can’t just glamour everyone to get your way, okay?” Carmilla warned. She only let it slip earlier because she wanted to spend some time with Laura, too, but now that it was apparent that Laura really did need more rest, she didn’t want to risk Emma glamouring her way into the hospital beyond visiting hours. The 12-year-old could do nothing but obey.

Laura woke up in Carmilla’s arms right as she was about to be carried into her room. “Well, well, aren’t you a strong one?” she said as she leaned on Carmilla’s cheek. There was no response. She was laid down on her bed a few moments later. “Carm? What is it?”

“I want to stay here for the night. I can’t just leave you—”

“And you can’t leave Emma, either.”

Carmilla bit the inside of her cheek then sighed. “We can both stay then.”

“She’s been here two days in a row. Not to mention, she hasn’t been in her own bed in a month. She has to go home like a normal kid, too, Carm. And you have to be with her.”

“But you heard what she said. I’ll be spending _forever_ with her.” Carmilla stopped for a moment, recalling what that meant. She, of all people, knew just how deep that word could cut. And even more so when it just can’t happen. “But I won’t be spending forever with you. So please just let me stay. It’s not that complicated of a choice.”

Laura let out a small laugh – the only one she could manage without coughing. “Everything about this is complicated and you know it. I’ll be here waiting for the two of you. I’ll try to get better.”

Seeing Laura lying on the hospital bed still with a smile on her face seemed to drain everything from Carmilla, leaving her empty and alone. She was only reminded that there was nothing she could do but do her best to fulfil Laura’s wishes until the inevitable end. _But what about my wishes?_ She thought about it and remembered she had no right to ask anything of Laura anymore.

“Okay,” Carmilla conceded. She placed a kiss on Laura’s forehead and greeted her good night, promising to be by Laura’s side again the next day and the day after that and the next. “Sweet dreams, Laura.”

Carmilla glamoured one of the nurses to check on Laura, knowing the IV drip would need to be reattached as well as the blood supply for the transfusion and the oxygen tank for her shortness of breath. Once she got to the car, she found Emma fast asleep in the passenger seat. She drove them home in silence, the emptiness ever-present within her. She looked at Emma after she turned the engine off to remind herself of why she made this choice. _I wanted to be a part of you, monkey_. But why was it that she felt they had grown apart instead? And if that wasn’t enough, she was about to lose Laura, too.

Carmilla remained awake that night in the bed she used to share with Laura while Emma slept on, dreaming of not missing her mother.

Summer break came to an end and not much had changed. Laura remained in the hospital and Carmilla visited her every day with Emma. Their family trips didn’t become a habit because Laura insisted that she needed to be more diligent in undergoing her therapy if she was going to get better soon. Carmilla didn’t have it in her to argue and Emma seemed to understand even though, in truth, she believed it would only be for what was left of the summer and come the end of the break, Laura would finally be as good as new.

But that wasn’t the case.

Things took a turn for the worse when they found out there wasn’t enough blood supply in the local hospital to continue Laura’s treatment and it would take some time to obtain new batches. The doctors were at a loss as to why a woman of Laura’s size needed that much blood. “How did she lose so much in the first place?” they started to ask. Carmilla finally had to glamour them for the discussion to cease. Otherwise, no one would have started working on a solution. LaFontaine did suggest that Carmilla drain the blood needed from other people and put it in a bag, but Perry was quick to say that that wouldn’t be sanitary at all. They left it at that. Carmilla did think of stealing the blood from other hospitals. She would’ve been in and out in a second. But she didn’t need people starting rumors about missing blood bags and hypnotized hospital staff that would possibly put vampires on everyone’s radar. That would only add to the problem.

Two weeks had gone by without blood to replace what Laura had lost. She was hooked to an IV drip with an extra dosage because that was all that could be done to stabilize her circulation somehow. But they were told it wasn’t enough. Time and again, Carmilla thought of force-feeding Laura her own blood so that she could recover faster, but time and again she would be reminded that this was Laura’s decision. She had to respect it. She had wronged Laura once and this is what it cost her. She feared what the second time would be like.

When Emma’s first day at secondary school arrived, she rode her bike to the hospital and stood by her mother’s bedside, close to being a nervous wreck.

“Mom, I’m going to school in a while. I wish you would wake up right about now to wish me luck. I’m pretty rattled. Remember those dorky pep talks you used to give me? I can practically hear you saying _‘Girl the hell up!’_ right about now, but I’d rather hear you say it for real. That way I can believe it.”

Laura remained unresponsive, the only sign of movement being the rise and fall of her chest.

“Come on, mom… You’re listening, aren’t you? If you are, just know that I miss you. You don’t have to get up right now ‘cause I’m leaving soon anyway, but I’ll be back after school. I hope you’re strong enough by then. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have any specific places in mind when I thought of the museum trips. I don't really know how long it would take to get to them in Austria since I never established concrete places in this fic. Let's just assume that the museums are in one area just so it makes sense that managed to do a lot within the day.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

The first day of school came and went and so did the following months. Emma had turned a year older sometime in that string of repetitive hours, or rather, she _should have_ if she could still age. She was curled up on her bedroom floor, wrapped in nothing but her comforter when she heard the door open. She didn’t bother to look up. She knew who it was.

“You’re not going to school again?” went Carmilla’s voice, tainted in both frustration and worry.

“Go away,” was all Emma could muster as she tightly wrapped the thick fabric around her cold, bare body. It was as if she no longer had a reason to move and think and live. _Not that I’m even living anymore._ She heard Carmilla’s footsteps getting nearer and it only served to anger her. “Go away!” she repeated in a growl. She swore she heard Carmilla growl in response but she ignored it. She wanted nothing to do with Carmilla today. Truth be told, she had started wanting nothing to do with Carmilla months ago.

“Get up.”

Emma’s body automatically responded to the command, now standing upright and bare with only her long brown hair cascading down her chest for a bit of concealment. She willed her eyes to move away from Carmilla’s but even that was futile. This was her maker and she could never disobey. She had tried several times, biting back the pain that shot through her whenever she refused a command, but she always ended up limp on the floor, always reminded of how weak and helpless she was. This time was no different.

Carmilla picked up the comforter from the floor and wrapped it around Emma’s bare body, not even taking a moment to look at the pale flesh that didn’t differ from hers. She added another layer as she wrapped Emma in a tight embrace, making it known that she was just as broken. Emma didn’t flinch in her grasp and she could sense just how much the 13-year-old was seething with anger. She knew this feeling. She knew just how far the self-loathing and the helplessness could fill someone up before all that’s left is to throw it at the world. And if not at the world then at oneself.

“I understand,” she said into Emma’s ear. Then she slackened her grip and left the room.

Emma wasn’t the only one who had holed herself up in the house. Even Carmilla hadn’t felt like doing anything ever since Laura’s condition started getting worse. She walked back to the living room where she had been spending her days, unable to stay put in the bedroom she shared with Laura because it felt full and empty at the same time – full of memories about Laura and devoid of Laura herself.

She sat back down on the couch and looked through their bills. She had been handling the finances ever since they got back. LaFontaine and Perry offered their help since they did most of it during her absence but she politely declined and told them she would take better care of things from now on. Perry shot her a glare before they left, probably thinking she didn’t notice, but she did. She knew Laura’s friends still didn’t trust her and all the more now that everything had gone terribly wrong. But she wasn’t doing this to win their affection. She was doing this for her own peace of mind. And of course, for Laura.

She thought of Emma, too. Next to herself, Emma was the most wounded. She would never forget what it was like to take a 12-year-old to the hospital every day to see her unconscious mother, happy and hopeful one second and despairing the next. Emma used to pull a table over to Laura’s bedside and do her homework with a plate of cookies on the side. Then she’d stop working for half an hour to talk to Laura about how school went and how much she wished they could go out again as a family, probably hoping all the while that her incessant rambling would wake her mother up and she would finally get an equally long reply. Sometimes she’d just lie on her side next to Laura and fall asleep, probably to try to dream of a world where they were both awake and Laura could take care of her again. Carmilla always stood by, carrying her own sadness and her fears. This was the waiting game and she never thought she would have to worry about time again but in that hospital room with a sleeping Laura, time was ever-present and it would wait for no one – not even a 300-year-old vampire and much less for a newly turned 12-year-old.

 During the times that Laura did wake up, it would only be to ask for more oxygen. There were times when she would wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air and clawing at the sheets as if waking up from a nightmare, having forgotten that she was living it. Carmilla would rush outside to call a nurse or a doctor and they would gather around Laura to administer a shot to calm her down and then resupply her oxygen. After they leave, Laura would be asleep again, gone from the world and from Carmilla and everyone else who loves her.

_It already hurts so much to lose her to peaceful slumber. What more when she—_

Carmilla slumped to the floor, hugging her knees like the helpless child that she felt she was. The tears followed as they have for the previous months and she had grown tired of stopping them. Here she was, stuck between being Laura’s savior and Laura not wanting her to be. She remembered all those times when they were still in university when Laura treated her like Silas’s heroic vampire, like she was the answer to everyone’s problems. She refused to do the heroics but ended up doing them anyway. Why? Because of Laura. Because Laura wanted her to. But now that she _wants_ to be the hero, Laura pushes her away.

_What the hell am I supposed to do?_

And no closer was she to answering that question when another one popped up. She got on her feet and stilled, trying to pinpoint the cause of the sensation that went through her just now. She flitted up the stairs and straight to Emma’s room. “Monkey, where are you?” There was no response. She thought of summoning her progeny even though she knew Emma wouldn’t appreciate the invasion of privacy, but she figured she didn’t need to. She knew where Emma would be despite the lateness of the hour.

The cold autumn breeze followed Emma inside the still room as she flitted into it. She locked the door behind her before approaching the all-too-familiar bed. She shed her denim jacket and fit herself against her mother’s warm but immobile body. She looked up at her mother’s face to check for a reaction but there was none.

“Mom… I’m so tired,” she started to say. “You’ve been here for months. You said I’m not alone but I’ve never felt so lonely in my life.”

It took a while for it to sink in, but this was her rock-bottom. Usually she would talk to her mother about their future even if it was just dinner or staying at home. But even in her imagination, those didn’t seem as plausible now as they were months ago.

“I’m so alone and I’m going to be like this forever… That’s a _really_ _long_ time, mom.”

She nuzzled against her mother’s arm, taking in what little warmth she could from the soft limb, reminding herself of what it felt like to be held and comforted by it.

“And if I keep spending most of it having to feed and going to school, I at least want to come home to see you awake and well. I miss hearing your voice and doing things with you. I know I’m not the same but I’ll still eat the cookies you bring home and the hot cocoa you make and I’ll still ride to the park with you. I can even help you get things done at your office when you go back to work. I’ll take some time off from school and work for you like we always talked about. You’d like that, right?”

She had rambled on. If there was something that always caught her mother’s attention, it would be when she rambled. They were alike that way and in so many others. When no response came, she felt betrayed and definitely more alone than she already was. She lifted herself up slightly and cupped her mother’s cheek. “Mom… Please wake up.” There was still nothing. She kept at it until she was already shaking her mother by the shoulders, screaming at her to please wake up. “Mom! Please!”

A beat passed. Laura finally stirred, a gasp of air escaping her as her eyes flew open. She turned her head to the side to let out a few coughs and took a deep breath before facing the figure next to her. “Emma?”

“Mom…” Emma responded in a mix of relief and tears.

Laura slowly rolled to her side, wary of the tube attached to her arm. She pressed her forehead to Emma’s and smiled. “Sweetie, what’s wrong? How did you get in here? It’s really late.”

Emma shied away from her mother’s gaze. “I might’ve glamoured the nurses I passed by,” she mumbled.

Laura clucked her tongue then chuckled anyway. “Oh sweetie. This isn’t the first time. And you broke in after visiting hours, too.”

Emma reluctantly met her mother’s eyes and bit her lip. “Are you mad?”

“A bit, yes. But I think I know where you got that from.”

“You do?”

“ Yeah…” Laura replied in a drawl. “ _Me_.”

That made Emma laugh and Laura followed but not without a few coughs in between.

“But I don’t want you getting in trouble. It’s also past your bedtime,” Laura continued, now sounding like the mother she was at home.

“I’m sorry, mom. I just wanted to see you. When are you coming home?”

“I might be here for a while longer, sweetie. The doctors say I need to rest to prepare for another transfusion.”

Emma sat up, thinking this would be the best time to suggest a solution. “Well, I can just give you some of my blood. It can heal you, right?” Her fangs were already out and she was about to bite into her wrist when Laura reached out with a shaky hand and brought her daughter’s wrist down.

“It might but I don’t want you to do that for me, okay?”

“But why?” Emma asked with her fangs still at the ready, obviously perplexed as to how Laura reacted. “Mom, I’m a vampire and I’m going to be like this forever. If I turn you, we can be together forever. Why wouldn’t you want that?”

Laura told herself that she was having déjà vu, but Emma wasn’t Carmilla. She knew her daughter would be more pushy. “It’s just not how I want to live, sweetie,” she started to explain.

Emma stood up in obvious frustration, both arms raised to her sides in defeat. “It’s not how I want to live either! But I didn’t have a choice! Why did Carm have to make me like this?”

Laura slowly sat up, reminding herself to be careful with her words. She didn’t want to admit it but she was scared of her own daughter and it tore her up inside. “Emma, she did it because she loves you.”

“That’s bullshit!” went the immediate reply. Emma backed away with a palm to her forehead, her eyes now starting to burn from the oncoming tears.

“Emma… It’s not—”

“No, mom! I said that because it’s the truth! If she loves me then she wouldn’t have put me through this!”

“I know you’re blaming Carm but there’s a reason why she’s so desperate to be close to you –she wants us to be a real family.” Laura patted the space beside her, which Emma left a few moments ago, beckoning her daughter to sit. Emma took in a breath, retracted her fangs then wiped her cheeks before approaching. Laura stroked her hair after she sat down and played with the slightly curled ends. “I actually thought we would have this talk when you were a bit older but I guess now is as good a time as any. You do have the right to know.”

Emma nodded in response.

Laura still felt weak in the knees after her daughter’s outburst but she reminded herself that this was Emma, the child she raised and the child she would always love. She knew she didn’t have much time to do this so she began: “Remember when you asked me who I made you with?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, that person was also a vampire.” Laura sensed that Emma was about to speak but when she didn’t, she continued. “He was Carmilla’s brother but not biologically. That just means they had the same maker. He… Well, he forced himself on me and fed on me. And after that I had you and your twin brother.”

Emma’s brows met, surprised by what had just been said. “I had a brother?!”

“For a very short while, yes.” Laura had to pause for a second when a blurred image of her infant son came to mind. She could barely remember what he looked like now. “He didn’t make it. It was a complicated time. He was weak when I gave birth to the two of you. He was breathing for a little while and then he just stopped. I won’t ever forget the moment his eyes closed. It only took a few minutes and he was gone.”

Emma took a second to process the information but didn’t know exactly what to say or how to feel. She had a brother that she never met and never will meet. What was that supposed to mean to her? A part of her wanted to know him or at least the possibility of a chance to have known him. She took her mother’s hand in hers. “Was Carm there? Didn’t she try to turn him?”

Laura shook her head, her eyes resting on Emma’s hands over hers. “That wouldn’t have been a good choice, sweetie.”

“But she _could’ve_ done it, right?!”

Laura kept her head down, afraid to see the look in her daughter’s eyes now that her anger had risen once more. She knew it well. She felt a similar tinge of anger against Carmilla, too. But Emma’s anger was raw and indecisive, free to burn what she wanted gone. Suddenly, she was afraid of her daughter again. “I know she could’ve but she didn’t and we can’t blame her for that.”

Laura suddenly lost the feeling of Emma’s hands on hers—

“ _I_ _can._ ”

“Emma! Wait!”

She flitted home, not caring who could have seen, and almost knocked their front door off of its hinges when she slammed it shut. Carmilla looked up at her from the couch.

“Why didn’t you turn my brother when you had the chance?!”

Carmilla had a reply ready, almost as if she knew she would be asked that question at this very moment. Then again, it had haunted her long enough. “He was better off dying peacefully. To be honest, I didn’t want either of you but _you_ lived and I’m glad you did because just like how much I love your mom, I grew to love you too, monkey.” She stood up and Emma recoiled, making it clear she didn’t want to touched. Carmilla understood but she took another step closer anyway. “I wanted so much to be part of you but you would always be Will’s and I hated it—”

“So _that’s_ why you turned me? Just so you can tell yourself I’m yours?! That’s sick! It’s sick and unfair! You should’ve left me to be myself! If you really cared then you wouldn’t have done this to me!”

“Emma—”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” Emma backed away toward the staircase, feeling cold, tired and frustrated and everything else that came with it. She pointed a finger at Carmilla and could only speak through teeth gritted in anger: “You left my brother human to die. I’d rather be dead like him than spend eternity with you in this body.”

No more words were exchanged between Emma and Carmilla that night and the weeks that followed.

Carmilla spent the rest of the night until the start of visiting hours in the hospital waiting area. She found Laura asleep in her bed but it wasn’t too deep a sleep because she opened her eyes the moment she felt Carmilla’s lips on her forehead. The discussion after that was brief. They decided it would be best if Laura was at home with Emma. What took longer was convincing the doctors to let Laura take her treatments at home. Despite the additional charges of having to set up the equipment and to hire on-call hospital staff, Carmilla insisted and they eventually gave in. “It won’t be for long anyway,” one of them said, but Carmilla pretended not to hear it.

When Laura walked through their front door for the first time in months, Emma was the one who took her hand and led her upstairs and into the bedroom. She had stopped going to school altogether and as much as it pained Laura to sign the form for her daughter’s leave of absence, she knew it would do them both some good. She had missed too much of her daughter’s life already and she didn’t want to waste what little time was left.

Emma doted on her mother in any way she could, even going as far as not leaving the house to feed. It was only then that Carmilla forced herself to step in and say something, worried that Emma’s outbursts would get worse while she was starving. She stood by the doorway and watched Laura sleep while Emma was curled up next to her, occupying what used to be her side of the bed. She could see Emma’s eyes glazing over, her eyelids falling in exhaustion only to flutter open in response to pain. “Monkey, you need to feed,” Carmilla said from the door way.

“No,” Emma replied, shaking her head. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Then don’t go with me. You can feed on your own now.”

“No,” went another firm answer from the 13-year-old. She held on to Laura’s arm like a lifeline, squeezing her eyes shut to somehow distract her from the hunger that was starting to consume her. She didn’t want to be a vampire anymore. She didn’t want to be the monster she thought Carmilla was. “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave mom ever again. She’s the only thing that’s good in my life now.”

Carmilla’s shoulders fell in defeat. _This is insane._ She thought of commanding Emma to feed. That she could easily do. _But should I? Could I even live with myself if I started controlling her?_ She did away with the thought. She wasn’t going to be like her maker. She turned Emma because she wanted to be Emma’s mother. Not just her maker. But, admittedly, now Carmilla knew that neither role seemed to fit her well.

The days passed by slowly. Emma was watching a very old Disney movie with Laura when she started to lose all sense of feeling. Her vision had started going dim halfway through the movie and all she could do was lean on Laura’s shoulder as she took a deep breath then bit the inside of her cheeks. “Mom… it is okay if I take a sip? Just a little bit, I promise.”

Laura turned her head and pressed a kiss to her daughter’s hair. She closed her eyes for a few moments, willing herself to remember everything that happened before this.

She saw her father and the home he made for the two of them after her mother passed away.

She saw the friends she made at Silas.

She saw Carmilla.

She saw Will.

She saw her daughter.

She saw herself with Carmilla and the daughter they both raised.

This was all that remained of her life. “Okay, sweetie. I understand.”

Emma’s fangs came out not a second later and she brought her mother’s wrist to her mouth. She bit into it and sucked – one sip like she promised. Then she pricked her finger with an exposed fang, drew blood and pressed it to Laura’s wrist to heal it.

She stared at the healed flesh, amazed that her own blood could have that effect. She caressed the spot, wishing every part of her mother would be that quick to heal. But before she could finish the thought, she lost what was left of her consciousness, now too weak to have even noticed it coming.

The rest of the day caught on. Laura was wide awake when Emma regained consciousness. They stared at one another for a while before Emma’s eyes turned into a darker shade – a sight Laura remembered from the most frightening moment of her life. But this was her daughter and this would be her choice. There was no reason to be afraid. Emma was not her father.

But a familiar sting spread over the surface of her neck and it quickly sank into her tender flesh. A loud gasp escaped her, almost like a dying breath. “I’m your mother and I will always give you what you need.” Then she closed her eyes, again trying to remember everything that happened before this very moment. But there was only darkness and she was slipping. “I love you, Emma.” There was no response, only low growls and the grinding of teeth.

The door flew open, revealing Carmilla fuming with rage. “Stop it!” she commanded. Emma’s body immediately froze. Carmilla came straight at her and gripped her by the neck. _“What did you do?!”_ Her voice was not her own. Instead, it was a deafening screech that shattered every other sound in the room.

Emma struggled in Carmilla’s grip as she clawed at her maker’s hand, screaming for her freedom. It was futile and she knew that. Apologies came straight out of her mouth next and then tears. What they were for, she wasn’t sure anymore. “I’m sorry. I just thought… if I turned her… give her my blood… Carm, please…”

Carmilla let loose a loud breath before she released her progeny. Emma rushed to her mother’s side, an open wound across her wrist at the ready. “Mom, take the blood, _please_!”

Laura could only manage a weak “No.” But she smiled, her hazel eyes meeting Emma’s.

“Why? Why won’t you take it? Please just—” Emma turned to Carmilla in panic. “What do I do? She’s dying! Tell me what I should do!”

Carmilla looked as if she had gone somewhere else. She blinked then shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?!” Emma was at a loss, now directing her anger at Carmilla and her disappointment at herself. “Wait! I can glamour her to take my blood, right?” She turned to her mother and held her head steady, trying to maintain eye contact. But Laura’s eyes had dimmed and her eyelids had fallen in exhaustion. “Carm, do something!”

Carmilla shook her head. “No.”

She approached the bed, this bed that she shared with the woman she loves, and laid down with her for what she understood to be the last time. She kissed Laura’s forehead and then her nose and then her lips, which still managed to curve into a smile at the slight contact.

“Who the hell are you?” Laura said with a weak laugh.

“I’m your new roommate, creampuff,” Carmilla whispered.

Laura was about to whisper something back but settled on leaving her lips against Carmilla’s, only silence passing between them and it spoke for everything.

_I have been in love with no one, and never shall, unless it should be with you._

“Rest well, Laura.”

Carmilla shut her eyes as if to rest before the weight of the world came down on her shoulders. There was nothing and everything to feel all at once. So she cried and held Laura close to feel what remained of her warmth.

“Why didn’t you turn her?”

Emma’s voice came as a whisper into Carmilla’s ringing ears.

“I thought you loved her. So why…”

“It’s because I love her that I did nothing.”

“And now she’s gone.”

_Forever._

It was only then that Emma understood what the word meant – it meant being alone.

“Please release me.”

Carmilla left Laura’s side and stood before Emma, whose eyes bore into hers as if this were the day when she lifted Emma out of her crib and the baby stared into her soul like she knew something.

“I won’t. You’re my daughter—”

“I am _not_ your daughter.” Emma glanced at her mother’s lifeless body and then at her hands, which still held traces of her mother’s blood. Then she touched her lips, which held the last memory of the only mother she would ever accept as her own. She lifted her head and met Carmilla’s eyes once again. “I may still have my maker, but I’ve lost my mom.”

The air between them was thick with strain. When Carmilla refused to respond, Emma charged at her with everything she had left in her weakened state and with every intent to kill her. Carmilla was quick to turn the tide as she pinned Emma to the floor with strength only a centuries-old vampire could possess, making it clear that this wasn’t a fair fight.

“If you’re not going to kill me, then release me.” Emma pleaded with her eyes – her hazel eyes like her mother’s that used to reflect everything right and good in the world but now held nothing. “Please release me.”

The words passed through Camilla’s lips in immediate regret much like how her progeny’s blood started to taste one drop before the end – this might as well have been death. “I release you.”

Carmilla watched as her progeny walked away, increasing the distance between them by the foot until she was no longer visible. Then, as if from a dream, Carmilla thought she heard a faint heartbeat like the one she heard in their dorm room one night all those years ago. Then it was gone. Laura was gone and so was Noah and now Emma was, too. She knows now that that lone heartbeat had been Emma all along – the only twin with a beating heart.

That heartbeat had been what reminded her of her life before today, but she ended up taking that away, too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few thoughts on Noah and him not having a heartbeat: I actually intended for this fic to have twins but I realized it would be much harder for me to develop two original characters. That's why I got rid of one. But as I was writing the last paragraph where Carm thinks back to hearing only one heartbeat, it struck me that Noah didn't have one (or only had a very, very faint heartbeat that was overshadowed by Emma's) because he was a dhampir. I googled it and found that dhampirs have very faint heartbeats. I thought about writing an epilogue where Emma somehow meets her brother for the first time and find out they're siblings, but this one wore me out so I don't have it in me to write more at the moment. I'm just putting this out there so you guys can imagine what it would be like if the twins did meet. If someone could write about it, I'll totally allow it.
> 
> Okay, so that's the end of this fic. Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments. Those are always appreciated. I hope this was a good read for you guys. If not, feel free to leave a comment anyway. :)

**Author's Note:**

> For any questions, here's my tumblr: almostalwaysahermit.tumblr.com
> 
> It's been a while since I last wrote fanfiction. This was supposed to be a one-shot but it would've been too long so I decided to split it into chapters. It's gonna be a bit angsty. Also, please let me know if I was mistaken in tagging this as Mature. I only did that because of rape mentions and a bit of smut in the following chapters. Thank you :)


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